


I Know You Care

by rumpelstiltskinsmagic



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-26 01:05:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/959769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rumpelstiltskinsmagic/pseuds/rumpelstiltskinsmagic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Emma, a single mom with two jobs, meets Killian, an actor in town for the next few months, sparks seem to fly. The only problem is that Killian failed to mention his occupation, leaving Emma oblivious to the life he truly leads. What will happen when the truth is revealed? CS AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Thanks, August. I really appreciate it," Emma said as she came back out into the living room after saying goodbye to Henry, who was playing video games in his room.

"After ten years of this, you can probably stop thanking me, Emma. I don't mind at all. You know that." She  _always_  thanked him, and August  _always_  told her that it was no trouble. Because it wasn't. He loved the kid.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'll be back around two, one if we're not busy." She grabbed her keys and mentally went though her checklist of everything she needed before going to work. It seemed she had everything, so she hurried toward the door, not wanting to be late.

"Have fun!" August called after her.

_Fun._  Yeah, she'd have tons of fun.

The bar was Emma's second job, and she only worked there on the weekends during the evening. She didn't think she could handle any more than that, though. Regina, her boss, was a tough person to work for, always complaining and yelling at her for no reason. Really, Emma had no idea what it was, but Regina did not like to be nice to her. Or anyone. She only put up with it because she needed the extra money.

* * *

How did Emma Swan get in this position? Her less than spectacular life started from the moment she was born and abandoned on the side of a highway. She was thrown into the foster system and passed from family to family after turning three, and the only consistent thing in her life growing up had been August.

August was like her big brother; he was a few years older than her and always looked after her, even when they weren't together. He always knew where she was, what family it was this year, and he always showed up to see her. Emma honestly didn't know what she would have done without him. He told her he would make sure that when she turned eighteen, he'd already have a job and a place for her to come and stay with him, and that would have been a perfect way to celebrate her newfound adulthood…except she went and fucked up.

Neal. Neal was the reason that her life changed. When she first met him, she thought he was  _the one_. He made her feel beautiful and special, and she was spending inordinate amounts of time with him while August was off getting a degree because he had been smart enough to stay in school. Neal was like her, though. He had no real home to go to, no real purpose in mind for himself, and Emma loved that. Finally, someone she could relate to. They slept in his car or in motel rooms, and when they needed food, they stole it because neither of them had a job or money. August was always telling her to leave the guy and come stay with him, get a job, start making something of herself, but she told him she already found what she wanted.

Looking back, Emma knew that was a stupid way to live. She wished she could have realized that  _before_  she got pregnant. It scared the shit out of her when she found out for sure, having taken multiple tests that were only further confirmed by her late period. She hid it for weeks, too afraid of how Neal would react to the news. He made it clear that all he wanted was to play things by ear and go where he wanted. He told Emma he loved her, but he never talked about settling down or actually trying to make a life for the two of them, and that worried her. That was the life that she had wanted, too, but if she was pregnant, she couldn't have that anymore.  _They_  couldn't have that anymore.

Neal was the first person to love her, besides August, but he didn't count - he was her brother. Emma gave Neal all of herself. She was completely devoted to him, completely crazy about him, and she thought that maybe, just  _maybe_  he would be happy about the news because he loved her, too.

Boy, was she wrong.

The day she told him was the last day that she saw him. He went ballistic, telling her that she needed to  _take care_  of it because they couldn't raise a child. She tried to argue that they could if they were together, but he wasn't having any of it, and they went to sleep angry for the first time in their entire relationship. When Emma woke up the next morning, Neal was gone, and Emma was stranded in a motel room that was hours away from the only person she had left. August.

As usual, August saved the day. He came and picked her up and consoled her while she cried over losing Neal, and he didn't judge her for being pregnant. He told her that they'd figure it out, and whether she wanted to keep it or not, he'd support her.

Emma decided to keep the baby, naming it Henry. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that there a person growing inside of her who would love her unconditionally, someone she could take care of and be there for. How could she give that up? How could she put that baby into a system that had screwed her over so much?

It was hard at first, but she lived with August for the first two years of Henry's life before finally getting a place of her own, and that was where she remained now. It wasn't the most impressive apartment, and it was certainly small, but it was home.

The only reason she could even afford it was because of her main job working at Granny's Bar and Grille, which she owed entirely to Ruby. Ruby's grandma owned the place, and Ruby was kind of like the secondhand man in the business. Emma's resume was shit, and she knew it, but Ruby knew she just needed someone to give her a chance, and Emma hadn't proved her wrong. She worked twice as hard as any other waitress and walked out with hundreds of dollars in tips every night. Those tips were her livelihood because her hourly rate was  _not_  something to be proud of.

The bar had been something August had talked her into because he knew she was still struggling financially and was too damn proud to accept any money from him. He offered numerous times, but she always refused, so he had suggested applying at the bar when he noticed a 'help wanted' sign in the window one day. It had luckily worked out, and she enjoyed the atmosphere, despite her annoying boss.

The other bartender who was always there with her on the weekends was Victor, Ruby's boyfriend thanks to Emma. Ruby and Victor were the only friends Emma had besides August, and she liked it that way. With Henry, she didn't have time for any other friends, and she didn't want to have to make time because those days when she got to spend more than an hour with her son in one sitting were precious, precious days.

It killed her to have to work so much, but she didn't want him to ever feel like they were in trouble. She always put aside what she needed for the bills, and the rest went to Henry for what he needed for school or what he wanted to eat or even just if he wanted a new video game. It was the least she could do for how often she was working and leaving him with August. Henry understood, though, and he never gave any indication that he was unhappy.

* * *

"Emma, Regina's going to kill you," Victor said as soon as Emma walked in the doors.

"Why? What the hell could I have done in the two seconds I've been in here?" Emma asked incredulously, groaning as she stuffed her jacket and purse into her little cubby in the break room.

"She thought you were working last night so she only scheduled me, and you didn't answer your phone when she called you. I tried calling, too, but-"

"Last night, I worked at the restaurant. She fucking knows that. It was a  _Thursday_. I haven't worked on a Thursday in years. I didn't answer because I wasn't available."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Let's just get out there before she comes in here screaming."

Emma rolled her eyes, putting her name badge on her plain black t-shirt.  _Swan_  it read. She'd been given the choice of either her first or last name, and she'd chosen her last.

One of the reasons she liked working the late weekend shifts at the bar was because of the tips. Drunken men who had a thing for blondes tended to leave quite generous tips, and she was more than happy to collect them for putting up with the remarks she received as well.

"You take the left tonight?" Victor suggested, seeing that there were men on that side, while the right was predominantly women. They always split it up this way.

"Yeah, fine with me."

The first couple hours always went fast because people were constantly coming in, and she was constantly moving. As it grew later, the same group usually hung around, and she was just refilling drinks unless some stragglers stumbled in, and they were at that point in the night now. It was almost midnight, but you wouldn't know it from inside the establishment.

"So how was your anniversary picnic in the park with Ruby yesterday?" Emma asked as they cleaned glasses out in the little sink that was on one of the sides of the middle area of the almost circular bar. It was easier to clean during down time so they wouldn't have to do it all at the end of their shift when all they wanted was to go home.

"It was nice. She liked the chocolate covered strawberries, so thanks for the tip."

"I knew she would." Emma was no longer a relationship kind of girl, but she was more than happy to help out her friends with theirs.

"Hey, tall, dark, and handsome just walked through the door." Victor nodded over toward the empty seat the man that had just come in was about to take. "Go get 'em."

Emma looked up, watching the man sit down and look around for a bartender. For some reason she couldn't explain, her mouth went a bit dry at the sight of him, and she averted her eyes to clean her hands on a towel before walking over to him.

"What can I get you?" Emma asked, ignoring the pang of desire that shot through her at the way his eyebrow went up as he read her name tag. He was  _way_  too attractive to be there that late in the evening. Usually, the crowd was a lot less pleasing to look at as the night wore down because the good looking guys had already found their prey for the night and taken off.

"Swan?" he questioned. "Is that your first name?"

_Dear lord_ , he had an Irish accent, and Emma couldn't keep from looking slightly surprised at his voice. "Uh, no, it's not my first name," she said like it should have been obvious, like she got that question all the time, and like it was annoying that he'd even asked. There, that was more like her.

"Then what is your first name?"

Why the hell was he asking her that? "How about you tell me what you want to drink?"

"A glass of whiskey will be fine, love."

And then he smirked.  _Smirked_. Emma just looked at him for a moment, trying to figure out what game he was playing at here, but then she gave up and went to get him his drink.

"Here, just yell when you want a refill." Emma slid the glass to him and turned to go back to helping Victor, but the guy just wouldn't let her go.

"I could yell, or you could just sit here with me until that time comes."

"I don't think that's in my job description, so…" She shrugged, being sarcastically sorry.

He looked at her like he couldn't believe she was able to resist him or something, and it made her furious because she was trying very hard to  _not_  think about how attractive he was and how much she liked listening to him talk.

"Killian," he said, holding his hand out for her to shake.

Emma knew he wanted her first name, but she wasn't going to give it to him. She didn't like men who came into the bar knowing her first name, even if they were that good looking. "Great. Thanks for the introduction." She shook his hand and then actually managed to walk away, keeping her back turned to him as she began drying the glasses Victor had set aside.

"He likes you. Take advantage of that." Ugh. Victor.

"I am so not in the mood to flirt tonight, and he keeps asking me for my name."

"Would it really kill you to tell him your name? I bet he leaves you at least a ten."

"At this point, I don't care what he leaves me. I just want him to hurry up and finish his drink so he can get out of here." Emma didn't know why he was messing with her head so much, but she didn't want that. She didn't have room for anyone else in her life, and he was asking too many questions for her liking.

"Ha! Good one. He's going to have at least three before he leaves, trust me."

"Not helping, Victor."

Then, she heard it again. That accent.

"Hey, Swan! Glass is empty."

"Better get going,  _Swan_ ," Victor teased, elbowing her lightly.

Audibly groaning, Emma set down the towel and glass she was holding, grabbing the whiskey bottle on the way over. She poured Killian's drink right in front of him, setting the bottle under the bar so she wouldn't have to walk over and get it when he inevitably asked for another refill. Instead of stomping away after, she stuck around, knowing that some sort of comment would be made.

"You know, I've never had someone as pretty as you pour me a drink before."

"Keep that up, and you never will again." What was wrong with her? Why was she being so rude to him? Well, he  _was_  blatantly hitting on her, but she was used to that. It happened all the time there. The difference was that she was actually attracted to him and could easily have been flirting right back. Her instinct was to put those walls up and act like a bitch so he'd go away.

It didn't help that he was smirking and raising that damn eyebrow again.

"Come now, lass, it was a compliment. Didn't your parents teach you how to say thank you?" Killian meant it teasingly, knowing she was just giving him a hard time, but the look on her face made him feel bad for saying it. What about what he said would make her look so hurt?

Emma visibly tensed up at the mention of her parents, looking down at the floor for a moment before telling herself that she needed to pull it together. It all happened very quickly, and she didn't think he would notice the slight change in her facial expression, but he did. When she looked back up at him, his eyes were questioning, and the smirk was no longer there.

"Thank you," was all she said before actually walking away this time, whispering to Victor on her way out that she needed some air. If she was lucky, when she came back inside, the Irish man would be gone.

Surprisingly, he was, and all that was left where he'd been sitting was a twenty-dollar bill to cover his drinks and a tip.

"That's for you," Victor told her when she turned to go to the register. "He already paid for the drinks while you were gone. I knew he'd leave you a nice tip."

"Oh…" Emma didn't question it, just slipped the bill in her pocket along with the other tips she'd received that night. None of them had been that generous.

"I knew he liked you. You should have gotten his number."

"When will you and Ruby quit trying to get me to go out on a date? I don't have time for another man in my life. Henry's all I need."

"You need to have some fun, Emma. You stress yourself out over work, and you never take any time for yourself." Victor and Ruby were always setting her up on blind dates, and either Emma wouldn't show up for them, or she would but then never call the guy again.

"We have movie and game night once a week, isn't that me having fun and taking time for myself?"

Their weekly 'family' night was always fun, and Henry enjoyed having everyone together, which is why Emma agreed to it in the first place.

"I mean fun outside of all of us. Meet someone new. Like that guy." He nodded over toward where Killian had been sitting. "If he ever comes back, I'm giving him your number."

"Like hell!" Emma would  _kill_  Victor if he ever did that again. He'd tried it before, and Emma had grabbed the slip of paper just in time.

The rest of the night went by quickly, as Emma was in a daze the whole time thinking about Killian and then trying to figure out  _why_  she was thinking about him. It was a never-ending cycle, and she was so relieved when her shift was over and she could go home.

Little did she know that this whole cycle with him was just beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

As intrigued as Killian was by the blonde bartender who went by Swan, he didn't overstay his welcome. When she left to go out back, he realized that he'd struck a real nerve and thought it best if he just went back to his hotel room and called it a night.

His original intent had been to charm his way into her bed, but he hadn't counted on her not having a clue who he was. He hadn't considered that she'd resist his advances and not even tell him her first name. It would have been easy to just tell her who he was. That usually worked, but he got the feeling that she wouldn't care. She was too guarded, too put off by him being so obvious about being interested in her. It completely changed his intentions. Now, he just wanted to figure her out.

A few days later, after a long morning of rehearsing, Killian found himself free for a couple hours and decided to pay a visit to that bar again. It was the afternoon, so he didn't know if she would be there, but even if she wasn't, someone had to know the Swan girl and when she worked again.

The sign outside said they weren't open yet, but he tried the door anyway. Unlocked. It wasn't like he could drink this early anyway since he had to be back at work later. Lucky for him, that guy who'd been working the previous night was there again, so he walked straight up to him. "Hey, mate, can I ask you a question?"

Victor was busy stacking glasses and tumblers when he heard a voice and turned around, surprised because no one was supposed to be there. "You can't be in…" he trailed off when he saw who it was. "Oh, it's you. From the other night. The guy who left Swan the twenty-dollar tip."

Damn it, did he really have to call her Swan? Did no one call her by her first name?

"Yeah, it's me. I was just wondering when she works next." Did he sound creepy? He realized he probably did as he asked his question, but it was already out of his mouth before he could come up with a better way to ask.

Normally, Victor wouldn't just be giving out information on Emma freely, but he was determined to get her to go out with this guy at least once. "She only works on the weekends, so she won't be back until Friday. Why?"

Killian didn't answer right away, just stood there looking like an idiot and scratching the back of his neck. "Uh…I just feel like we left things on a bad note. Wanted to apologize." That sounded normal, right?

"I can tell you where to find her tonight, if you're interested," Victor offered, and the expression on the guy's face was all he needed to know that he  _was_  interested. "She works at Granny's. It's a restaurant a couple blocks from here."

Another bit of information to add to his memory bank about her. She worked two jobs, neither of which seemed very rewarding to him, but what did he know? "Did she say anything the other night?"

"About you? Not really. She looked surprised that you left her that tip, but she didn't seem to want to talk about you after that." Victor knew he'd been right in thinking this guy was interested in Emma. He would have just given him her number right then, but just knowing he'd show up at Granny's was good enough. Emma would probably have a heart attack.

"Well…thanks." Now, Killian just felt awkward, unsure of how to end this conversation about the Swan girl, so he just started to head for the door, and Victor let him go, unable to help chuckling at the hilarity of the situation after he left.

He could have easily called Emma to warn her about the surprise that would be waiting for her that night, but he chose not to. It needed to be a surprise or else she'd find some way to avoid him.

* * *

Emma had put the incident with Killian behind her after telling August about it. She didn't know if she'd see him again, but it would be better if she didn't. He wasn't a familiar face, so she knew he didn't live in the town and was probably just passing through. Usually, she could handle herself fairly well with men, but there was just something about Killian that pulled her in, and that scared the hell out of her. Not to mention, she'd let her guard down when he'd mentioned her parents. So much for acting tough.

The restaurant felt like a safe haven, somewhere where she didn't think she'd run into Killian, and she wasn't even thinking about him period as she came out of the kitchen after dropping off an order. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," she muttered under her breath, ripping off her name tag and shoving it in the front of the half apron tied around her waist.

Of course he was sitting in her section, by himself in the corner. There was no way it was a coincidence. What were the odds? How did he know she worked there? Just when she was starting to forget about him, he showed up, and she had no choice but to take his order once again.

She didn't miss the huge smile on his face when he saw her walking over, and she wished she could smile in return, but she just rolled her eyes. "Please tell me this is a coincidence and that you didn't intentionally show up here to see me."

"Sorry, love. I  _did_  come here to see you. Your friend from the bar told me you worked here." Killian figured honesty was the best policy. For that question, anyway.

"Great." Oh, she was going to kill Victor when she saw him next. "Why exactly are you here? What do you want?"

"For starters, a glass of water. I still have to look over the menu," he replied, like he wasn't being a jackass and avoiding the real meaning of her question.

Unfortunately, Emma had no choice but to go get him the water because she had other tables to attend to and couldn't just stand there talking to him all night and trying to figure out what his deal was.

She didn't come back for ten minutes, purposely, because she wanted to make sure all her other tables, who were actually there because they wanted to be there and not just to annoy her, were taken care of and had everything they needed first.

"Okay, so are you going to answer my question yet?" Emma asked as she set the glass of water down on the table, letting a straw drop beside it.

"What question was that again?" He adopted a confused expression, like he was trying to remember, even though he clearly knew exactly what she wanted to know.

Emma sighed. "What. Are. You. Doing. Here."

"I already told you, I wanted to see you. We can talk more when your shift is over, which is in an hour according to the lovely lady who directed me toward this table."

Looking over her shoulder, even though she didn't have to to know who it was, she saw Ruby standing at the podium where the hostess stood and waited for people to walk in to seat them. "So you're going to sit here and wait for me to get off work?"

"Yes, but I'm going to eat. I'm a paying customer, so you can't kick me out."

"Right. Well, I don't think we have anything to talk about, but what do you want to eat?" He didn't answer right away, so she just stared at him, urging him to say something with the way her eyes widened slightly.

"You're not going to write it down?"

Was he just fucking with her or was he serious? Emma fought the urge to roll her eyes again. "I don't need to write it down. Just tell me what you want." It had been years since she had to write down orders. It didn't matter what someone wanted to throw at her, she could remember it.

"Grilled cheese."

"You thought I would need to write down grilled cheese?" Okay, she rolled her eyes again.

"I just thought that was what waitresses did," Killian replied with a small shrug of his shoulders.

He really was beginning to be the most annoying person she'd ever met, but without another word, she went to put in his stupid grilled cheese order because that meant she could ignore him for a while. It was, however, hard to ignore the feeling of his eyes on her every time she stepped out of the kitchen. She never looked at him, but she just  _knew_  he was staring at her, watching her take orders, refill drinks, and bring everyone their food but him.

Ruby waved her over at one point, and Emma was just glad she didn't yell out her name. She was doing a good job of keeping it a secret, and the last thing she wanted was for someone she worked with to yell it out.

"What's up?" Emma asked, pretending that she didn't already know.

"What's up is that there's an insanely hot guy with an Irish accent sitting over there, and he's totally into you!" Ruby was way too excited about this.

"He is  _not_  into me," Emma insisted, and she didn't know if it was for Ruby benefit or her own. "He likes annoying me. I haven't figured out what his angle is yet, but I will."

"Emma, he asked me to sit him in your section, and he's been staring at you all night. You must be blind if you can't see that he likes you."

"He can't like me if he doesn't know me. He knows nothing about me, not even my first name, which if you tell him it, I will kill you. I already have to kill Victor for telling him I work here." She knew Ruby was just as bad as Victor, though. They'd both be conspiring together that night about how to make this work, she was sure of it.

"You'll be thanking Victor once the two of you are living happily ever after."

"Happily ever after? Lord." Emma hated that phrase. There was no happily ever after for her. She had thought she would have that once, and it had been ripped out from under her. She never wanted to make the mistake of expecting to have one again. "I have to get back to work."

"Yes, you do because that handsome devil is waiting for his food!" Ruby noticed that Killian hadn't taken his eyes off of Emma the whole time that she'd been standing there, and it made her smirk at her friend before she walked away.

Emma could only groan in frustration before going back to the kitchen to get the grilled cheese that had to be waiting there by now for her to pick up. It was. Back to the dreaded corner table. She even picked up a pitcher of water to refill his glass since that would keep her from having to make two trips.

Without saying a word, she slid the plate onto the table and then picked up his glass and poured water to the brim before giving it back and turning to leave. She heard him thank her, but she didn't acknowledge him, just kept going until she disappeared into the kitchen.

She honestly couldn't figure out why the hell she was so on edge around him, but it was driving her crazy. Obviously, she felt some sort of connection to him or she would have easily been able to dismiss him. She wouldn't be thinking about him, and she certainly wouldn't be nervous about the fact that he wanted to talk to her when her shift was over.

Her thoughts were so all over the place that she almost ran into Ruby on her way back out onto the floor.

"Oh, hey! Just who I was looking for." Ruby was all smiles, and Emma looked at her like she better watch whatever she was about to say. "I gave your man the bill because he had to leave all of a sudden, but he said to tell you he's sorry he couldn't stay and talk."

"First of all, he's  _not_  my man. Second, it's good that he's gone. I didn't want to talk to him." Even as she said it, she knew it was a lie. She was curious, but she couldn't show it. She had to make those feelings go away.

"You're ridiculous. Live a little!"

"You and Victor are too much alike, you know that?"

Emma pushed past her friend and out to the now empty table to take the empty plate and cup away, and she almost dropped them both when she noticed the tip Killian left. A crisp fifty dollar bill, folded once, just laying there for her. She just stared at it, unable to comprehend that  _that_ was a  _tip_. There was no way he could have left that on purpose. It had to be a mistake, but she took it anyway, intent on giving it back to him when she next saw him, and she had no doubt that she would see him again.

* * *

"He what? A fifty?" August asked, shock written all over his face.

"Yes, he left me a fifty dollar tip for a glass of water and grilled cheese. There's no way he meant to do that." Emma was speaking quietly because Henry was in his room, probably eavesdropping.

"Even if it was a mistake, who cares? Now you have fifty bucks in your pocket."

"I have to give it back to him. I can't keep it, are you nuts?"

"If it was anyone else who left it, would you feel like you had to give it back?" August questioned.

Emma opened her mouth to answer, but then she closed it because she'd already lied to herself enough that night. Of course she'd keep it if anyone else left it, but if it was truly a nice gesture on his part to leave her that generous of a tip, she couldn't accept it. It would be like accepting that she, for lack of a better term, 'had a thing' for him, too.

"Exactly," August added when Emma didn't say anything. "Just keep it and be happy about it."

"Easy for you to say." But she would let him think that she was keeping it for now because she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

The rest of the week, Emma spent every minute she was at work waiting for Killian to walk in, but he never did. She told herself she just wanted to give him back the money that was burning a hole in her pocket, but she knew there was more to it than that. He'd shown an interest in her, and even though she'd been quite rude to him most of the time, she sort of maybe wanted him to keep coming around. The more she pushed, the more she hoped he'd keep pushing back.

Maybe that was it, though? Maybe he thought she wasn't worth it, and now she'd never see him again. It shouldn't have bothered her as much as it did, but she'd let herself start wondering about him, and now she couldn't stop. It didn't matter that she'd only actually talked to him briefly for two days; somehow he had wormed his way into her head.

She'd given up after Thursday, deciding that she'd take Henry out to dinner Saturday when she was off from both jobs with that fifty, and that would be that.

* * *

Killian hadn't forgotten about Emma at all. In fact, he thought about showing up at the restaurant the next night, adding another apology for leaving so abruptly to his growing list, but he didn't have the time, so he made up his mind that he'd see her again Friday at the bar because that Victor guy had confirmed she'd be working. He wondered why that guy had his first name on his name tag but Swan didn't.

When Friday came, he forced himself not to go before midnight like the week before. It had been a relatively low key atmosphere by then, and even if there were still a lot of people crowded around, at least he wouldn't have long to wait for her to be done so that they could actually have a conversation for once that didn't involve her running off after a few sentences.

That Friday  _was_  definitely busy when Emma came in, but it thankfully started to slow down by the time midnight rolled around, and she finally got a minute to lean against the bar and watch for someone wanting another round. Most of the stragglers still around were dispersed at the tables with orders of fries, so the waiter on duty would just bring drink orders up if there were any.

"Alright, so spill. I've been waiting all night for you to bring up that Irish guy." Victor had been eagerly waiting for some down time to ask Emma about Killian.

"I'm sure Ruby filled you in," Emma replied, not thrilled that she hadn't been able to avoid talk of Killian.

"She did, but she said you haven't told her if you've seen him since that night."

"I haven't. He hasn't come back to the restaurant, so maybe he finally realized that there was no point in following me around to my multitude of jobs?"

Victor started laughing, covering his mouth with one hand in an attempt to hide it.

"What the hell is so funny?" she asked, irritated but not following his eyes.

"Hello, lass. Long time no see," Emma heard from behind her, and her eyes instantly widened at Victor, who was still laughing his ass off.

Composing herself, she turned around and actually gave him somewhat of a smile for once, her hands bracing the bar in front of her. "What can I get you?"

"I'm not drinking tonight, so just a coke, if you don't mind."

"Yeah, sure." Was it obvious that she was making an effort to be nicer?

When she brought the coke back, she decided she'd just let him say whatever it was he'd come there to say because she wasn't really sure what she wanted to say to him besides that she couldn't accept his tip from the other night.

"Listen, I came to the restaurant with the intention of apologizing for my behavior the first time we met. I was attracted to you and acting stupid, as men usually do, and somewhere along the way I upset you. So I do apologize." The look of sincerity on his face made Emma even more speechless than she had been before, and she couldn't believe he actually remembered that he had upset her with that comment about her parents. She had tried not to give too much indication of it at the time, but he was more perceptive than she thought.

"Uh…no, it was fine. I'm used to it." She was referring to men being men and acting stupid.

"You shouldn't have to be used to it."

Okay, now she was starting to feel her defenses kicking in, telling her to stop being nice and start pushing him away again. "Look-"

"No, wait. I'm not finished. I'm also apologizing for running out at the restaurant before getting the chance to talk with you. I got a work call, and I had to leave."

"Speaking of which, here." She pulled the fifty dollar bill out and set it in front of him. "I don't think you meant to leave this, and I've been wanting to give it back to you."  _Finally_ , she could put her mind at ease about that.

Killian looked at her like she was crazy before sliding it back to her side of the bar. "Of course I meant to leave it."

"You meant to leave me fifty dollars as a tip for a meal that barely cost five?" she asked, skepticism evident in her voice as she pushed it back toward him.

"Yeah, I did, so take it." He pushed it back, his hand every so slightly touching hers in the process, sending a jolt through them both. It was the first time they'd had any actual contact, and it only confirmed that they really did have something between them, regardless of how little they knew each other.

Emma wasn't going to argue about it because she wasn't going to get anywhere, so she stuffed it back in her pocket, reminding herself that now she really could take Henry out to dinner. "Thanks, I guess." Her hand still burned from where his fingers had touched her, and she could feel herself losing the battle of keeping up that tough girl shield.

"I, uh, noticed a lot of people in this town walk everywhere. What about you?" It seemed like a totally random question, but he had a reason for it.

"Yeah, I don't have a car."

"Let me walk you home then, Swan."

Emma didn't even know what to think at that point. He wanted to walk her home? Really? He still didn't even know her first name! She knew she was taking a long time to answer, but she just couldn't figure out what was going on. And then, finally making a decision, she looked him in the eyes and said, "My name's Emma."

Killian looked at her, clearly surprised that she'd come out with her name, but before he could say anything, she left him sitting there alone, and all he could do was smile and wait for her to return. Emma Swan. What a lovely name.

She couldn't believe she'd basically agreed to let him walk her home. She hadn't said yes, but she'd told him her name, and that was pretty much a concession. Emma knew she was going against her gut, which told her it was a bad idea - that she shouldn't be showing this man where she lived - but she wanted to find out what he was doing in town. She already knew why he wouldn't leave her alone; he came out and said he found her attractive, and she would be lying if she said she didn't find him attractive, too.

Maybe August, and Victor, and Ruby were all right. She was no fun. Even Henry probably thought she needed to go out and meet someone. It was worth it just to appease her friends. Victor was already teasing her in the back room after they turned on the closed sign outside and finished putting everything away for the night.

"I can't believe he's walking you home! What made you say yes?"

"Technically, I never said yes. I just kind of insinuated that I didn't mind." Emma was glad she didn't have to see Ruby until Monday because she was going to absolutely freak out when she found out, which would be as soon as Victor got home.

"He's actually been sitting out there and waiting for you for hours. That's impressive."

"Okay, okay. I should go then, right?" Emma left her name tag and picked up her jacket, ignoring the look on Victor's face. "Stop looking at me like that!"

"You don't even know what I'm looking at you like."

"Trust me, I do. And I know you're thinking about gossiping with your girlfriend as soon as you leave here."

"Maybe, but she'd kill me if I didn't."

"I still want to kill you for telling him where else I worked. I mean, really? What made you think that was a good idea?" Emma was glad now that he had, but she could still act like it pissed her off.

"What's happening tonight is what made me think it was a good idea. I knew you'd give in to him eventually."

"Nothing is happening tonight! This conversation is over." Emma couldn't hide the smile pulling at her lips as she said goodbye to Victor and walked back out to meet Killian, who was standing by the door and patiently waiting for her. They hadn't talked since she told him her name because she'd kept herself busy on the other side of the bar.

It was hard not to stare at him. In those dark jeans and open flannel with a v-neck underneath that showed off a bit of his chest, he looked  _good_. She looked away as soon as he made eye contact, feeling a bit embarrassed, but he didn't say anything about catching her staring.

"So why exactly do you want to walk me home?" Emma asked, breaking the silence as they walked outside into the night. "Trying to be a gentleman now?"

Killian looked down at her, that smirk making her heart stutter. "Darling, I'm  _always_  a gentleman."

That damn accent of his was going to be the death of her. "That still doesn't answer my question."

"It's late. You shouldn't be walking by yourself at this time of night."

"Oh, really? Is has nothing to do with you finding me attractive?" Yes, she would call him out on that.

He, of course, was still smirking, but he didn't answer right away, so she knew she took him off guard. "It might have something to do with that."

"Well, I don't know what you think is gonna happen, but all you're doing is walking me home. And then going back to wherever you're staying." Emma at least felt better after making that clear, though she was still feeling weird about the whole thing.

"I don't think anything is going to happen, love. I just want to make sure you get home safe."

"Where are you from anyway? I know you don't live here or I would have seen you before. What are you doing here?"

Killian knew that question was going to come up eventually, and he wasn't nearly as ready for it as he thought he'd be. He could tell her the truth. It was the perfect opportunity to do so, but even as he thought the words in his head, his mouth wouldn't say them. She was treating him like she should, being cautious, not giving him an easy time. Most women didn't care that they didn't know him because he had money, and he did take advantage of that from time to time because it was all he could get. Now, he had someone walking beside him who could possibly get to know the real him.

"I'm working on a movie set in the city." Not a  _complete_  lie. "I do lighting and boring stuff like that."  _That_  was a lie. "I wanted to stay somewhere more quiet, though, so I'm staying here in your little town."

"It doesn't sound so boring." Compared to what she had to do for a living. It was her own fault, though. She could have finished high school, could have at least tried to go to college, but instead, she shacked up with Neal Cassady and got pregnant. So much for that fairytale life.

Instead of going into detail about a job he didn't actually do, Killian turned the focus back to her. "What's your story?"

"My story? We don't have time for that." And even if they did, she wouldn't tell him. She may be letting him flirt and walk her home, but she wasn't going to divulge the details of her pathetic past to him.

"Maybe not tonight, but if you let me take you out sometime, then we'd have plenty of time." He knew her first name now, so it was appropriate to ask for a date, right?

"I don't think so. You seem…nice, maybe, but I don't really ever have time for myself. I'm busy working and…" Emma almost said 'and she had to spend time with her son,' but she caught herself.

"And what?" Killian hadn't missed her saying he was  _maybe_  nice, but he was more interested in what she wasn't saying.

"Nothing, okay? I'm just busy."

They were approaching her apartment, so she thought she was finally done with him for the night, but he decided to make things even more complicated for her.

"Tell you what." Killian stopped walking, and she stopped, too. "Give me your phone."

"My phone? Are you crazy?" He just kept coming up with more things to surprise her with.

"Just hand it over. I'm not going to steal it."

Against her better judgement, as usual when it came to him, she handed over her phone, watching as he put his number in for her before handing it back. He didn't call or text himself, so he didn't have her number. He was leaving it all up to her to contact him, apparently.

"If you find yourself suddenly available, give me a call." Killian flashed her a smile that made her knees weak, but she just slipped her phone back into her jeans.

"Don't count on it." Hey, she had to be honest. Just because she had his number didn't mean she would call him tomorrow. "This is my place, so…"

"It was nice seeing you again, Emma." The way her name flowed from his lips for the first time made her pause and just look at him for a moment,  _really_  look at him. No matter how hard she tried to find something in his eyes that would lead her to believe he was just messing with her, all she could see was sincerity.

"Yeah, you, too." She didn't say his name in order to keep it from sounding so personal and then just watched him walk away with his hands in his pockets.

That night Emma laid in bed and stared at the new name in her phone, wondering if she should delete it, but in the end, she didn't. He made it sound like he was going to leave her alone unless she wanted to see him, so if she got rid of the number, then she lost her only way of finding him. In that moment, she didn't think she'd ever call him, but she wasn't ruling it out.

For now, she was only going to worry about spending her entire Saturday with her son and buying him dinner with that fifty that was still tucked away in her jeans.


	3. Chapter 3

  
_Waking up from this nightmare_   
_How's your life, what's it like there?_   
_Is it all what you want it to be?_   
_Does it hurt when you think about me?_   
_And how broken my heart is  
_   


  
_Take you away from that empty apartment_   
_You stay and forget where the heart is_   
_Someday, if ever you love me, you'd say it's okay_   


 

A week passed where both Killian and Emma resisted their urges to reach out.

Killian knew where she worked; he could have easily showed up to see her, but he wouldn't let himself do that. The reason he'd given her his number was because he wanted her to  _want_  to see him. The days when he was on set into the early hours of the morning were his favorite because it kept him from being able to go see her. And he knew if he had one more moment of weakness, he'd be at Granny's or the bar in a heartbeat.

Emma, on the other hand, really held all the power now. The ball was in her court, which is how she liked it. She liked to feel in control, and Killian had been making her feel completely out of control since she met him, invading her thoughts and making her wonder when he was going to suddenly appear out of nowhere. And though he was still in her head, she at least got to decide when the next time she would see him would be.

It wasn't the easiest thing to not click on his name in her phone and call him, but she'd managed very well, if she said so herself. And it wasn't like she actually had time to go on a date or anything. She worked every day since they last saw each other, and her evenings were reserved for helping Henry with his homework and watching him play video games. She had those excuses, and as long as she had them, she would keep herself from giving in.

Of course her friends didn't make it easy for her, though. Victor had asked incessantly about what happened when Killian walked her home, and she'd told him about getting his number and all that jazz. She'd played it off like it was no big deal and that she could not care less, but she suspected that he didn't buy it. Ruby knew by Monday and wouldn't leave Emma alone. She pretty much told her to call him every night, and it was getting to the point where she just wanted to delete his number so her friends would shut up. But she couldn't bring herself to do that.

Friday night killed her excuses for Saturday, however.

"Emma, can you come in here?" Regina called from her office before Emma could begin her shift.

She immediately started going through all of the things that she could possibly be getting yelled at for. "Yeah?" she asked, peaking her head through the door.

"You're not working tomorrow night."

"What?" Emma's face fell, not understanding. She was supposed to work a double tomorrow - afternoon at Granny's, evening in the bar. Though that wasn't something she was looking forward to, she relied on the money.

"The schedule is overstaffed, so I'm just giving you the night off."

Bitch. How could it possibly be overstaffed? No other bartenders worked on weekends besides her and Victor. "But-"

"No buts. That's just the way it is. Spend some time with your son," Regina said, effectively dismissing her.

Spend some time with her son. Well, she  _could_  have done that, except for Henry had asked her that morning if he could stay at a friend's house after the birthday party he was going to. She told him he could because she wanted him to have fun since she'd be gone the whole day anyway. Plus, it gave August the night off.

Only now, after her shift at the restaurant, she would have absolutely nothing to do for the evening, and it was just too tempting to call Killian and tell him that. How was she going to stop herself? She was still curious about the guy, and she knew he was still curious about her as well.

Walking home from work that night, or early morning whatever, Emma held her phone in her hand and contemplated what she should say before finally hitting the button. She was expecting that he wouldn't answer because it was so late, and that was the only reason she was even letting herself call at that point, but to her surprise…he answered.

Killian was actually on set, half falling asleep in his chair in between takes when his phone rang. The number was one that he didn't recognize, so he wasn't going to answer, but then he remembered that it could be Emma.

"Hello?" The surprise and hopefulness in his voice made Emma smile.

"Hey, it's Emma." She loved how easily she could disguise her nervousness over the phone.

"Emma! Wow, it's late. Did you just get off work?" He was also glad that they weren't face to face because he was grinning from ear to ear.

"Yeah, I didn't actually think you'd answer. Why are you up so late?"

"I'm still working. It's been a long night."

Oh, right. Movie set and all that. "I, uh, just found out I have tomorrow night off."

"Tomorrow night? And you're telling me because…?" He was playing dumb on purpose because he really wanted to hear her say that she wanted to see him.

"Because you told me to call you if I was ever available." Why did he have to make this even harder?

"So…?"

God, she really wanted to smack that smirk she knew he had off of his face. "So I want to see you, if that's okay with you."

"That is more than okay with me, lass. I'll pick you up at eight."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't just pick me up at eight. What are we doing?" Emma loved the way he didn't even seem to care what they did; he just wanted to pick her up at eight and see her.

"It's a surprise."

"I hate surprises." She really did, which is why he made her so mad. He had been a complete surprise.

"You're going to have to learn to like them," he said simply, seeing that his assistant was coming over, most likely to tell him they were ready for him now. So before Emma could say anything else, Killian had to end the call. "Listen, I have to go, but I'll see you tomorrow. Eight o'clock sharp."

And then the line went dead.

Emma smiled to herself, glad that that was out of the way. It didn't do much to help her nerves, though. Now, she was just nervous about the actual date itself because she didn't  _do_  dates. It was out of her comfort zone, and maybe she'd been on a few over the years because her friends were persistent, but they were never because she took the initiative and called the guy up herself.

* * *

Saturday morning came, and Emma tried to be relatively calm. She cooked Henry breakfast, and they ate together, talking about a new book Henry wanted to read called  _Midnight for Charlie Bone_. It had magic and things like that in it, which she knew he loved, and she made a mental note that she needed to pick it up for him soon. Oh how she loved that her child enjoyed reading. It kept him busy enough that he never complained about them not being able to afford TV.

She knew if she really wanted to stretch things, she could make do with another payment, but she'd rather have a little extra to spend on more food and all the little odds and ends that boys his age deserved to have. Emma tried not to deprive him of things like video games, books, new shoes, and the like. She could certainly go without new things for herself, but she wouldn't let Henry feel like he needed to sacrifice what he wanted for the sake of their little family.

The birthday party he was going to didn't start until one, and Emma had to be at work at eleven, so as usual, August was on babysitting duty for a couple hours.

"Do you have your toothbrush?"

"Yes, Mom," Henry said, groaning because she'd already asked him that twenty minutes ago when he started backing his over-night bag.

"And your pajamas?" She had to ask.

"Yeeeeeeeees, Moooooooom." Henry set the bag on the couch, plopping down beside it with his GameBoy to waste some time before he had to leave.

"Okay, love you." Emma kissed the top of his head, fighting the sadness she always felt when he spent the night somewhere else. She was always so lonely without him, but at least she had plans that night. Even if they were with  _him_.

"Love you, too," he replied, but he wasn't really paying attention to her now since his game was on.

After giving August a 'thank you so much' look, as she always did, she was off to work.

Ruby wasn't there, thank god, because Emma didn't know if she could handle being asked about Killian and acting like she had no interest when she was going on an actual date with him that night. She hadn't told anyone because she didn't want anyone to ask her the next day how it went in case it went horribly.

While Emma was busying herself at the restaurant, Killian was on set planning out the evening in his head and talking it over with his best friend, and assistant, Graham. They were both Irish and had gone to school together, bonding quickly. When Killian's career took off, he invited Graham to work for him because he couldn't imagine not having his buddy around all the time. And even if he was technically Killian's assistant, he wasn't treated as someone of lesser status. No one would even be able to tell by the way they acted around each other.

"Do I get to meet her?" Graham asked. "You've been talking about her since you met her. I feel like it's only fair."

Killian chuckled. "She doesn't quite trust me yet, so I need to work on that first. Then you can meet her."

"I've never met a girl who didn't want in your pants right away. This is a first."

"She doesn't…" he trailed off, stopping mid sentence. He hadn't planned on telling Graham that Emma didn't know, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized he probably should. A lot of times, Graham was in charge of his cell phone while filming was occurring, and the last thing he needed was for Graham to try and be cute and totally blow it while answering a call or text from her. "…uh, she doesn't know that I'm-"

"What?! You didn't tell her you're an actor?" Graham's mouth couldn't have dropped any lower if it tried.

"No, I didn't tell her, and even if I did, it wouldn't impress her anyway. She's complicated, and the only way I'll be able to break through whatever's holding her back is by letting her see the real me."

"The real you is an actor," Graham pointed out.

"That's not  _who_  I am, that's  _what_  I am. My job is irrelevant. I want her to like  _me_."

"You've never cared what anyone thought about you before since-"

Killian silenced his friend with a look, not wanting to hear the name of the woman who had essentially crushed his heart into a million tiny pieces when he was still a naive young man looking for work. No, he wasn't going to go there today. Not when he had so much to look forward to.

"I just meant, what's so special about this girl?" Graham asked, changing the direction of his question a bit.

"There's just something about her. I can't explain it, man. I just really like talking to her." Killian wished he had more of a reason, but he didn't know much about Emma. She was careful not to give away anything, and he didn't want to pry. All he could gather so far was that she had issues with her parents and worked hard for her money.

"Taking her out to dinner?" Graham assumed.

"In a way, I suppose."

"In a way?"

"More like a picnic."

"You are crazy. At eight o'clock at night?"

"Yes, at eight o'clock at night."

Killian had thought it over and decided he didn't want to take her out to dinner or to a movie. They couldn't talk in a movie theater, and it wasn't like she'd let him hold her hand or kiss her, so what was the point? And sitting across from her at a table in some fancy restaurant would make them too distant, so he chose to go with something more intimate. Something she wouldn't be expecting - a picnic in the park under the stars.

His romantic side did not come out often, and he knew that was why Graham was gawking at him like he was a completely different person. Regardless, he wanted to make a good impression so she'd let him take her out again.

* * *

By the end of her shift, Emma was exhausted and decided to take a quick nap, waking up around 6:30 because she knew she needed to put some effort into looking nice. She  _wanted_  to look nice, but she didn't want to look like she wanted to because then it would give him the impression that she was trying to impress him. Was she?

"Ugh, this was a terrible idea!" Emma exclaimed to herself, standing in front of her closet in her bathrobe after a quick shower. She couldn't find anything that looked appropriate for a date, so she just hoped that he would be dressed somewhat casual as well.

Donning a pair of black jeans and a dark blue button up shirt, she sat on the bed to lace up her boots, glancing at the clock and seeing that she barely had time to do anything else, if he showed up at eight o'clock sharp like he said he would.

Killian had every intention of being there exactly at eight. It took him a while to decide whether he wanted to walk or call a car, but he knew if he called a car it would look quite odd to have someone driving them around, so he opted to walk. The more laid-back, the better.

When he knocked on the door, he actually felt a bit nervous, wondering if she was going to be into his picnic idea or think it was totally stupid. He had a feeling she would prefer something more low-key to being out in public anyway.

"Shit," Emma mumbled when she heard the door, checking her hair in the bathroom mirror one last time. It was straight tonight, falling around her shoulders like a blonde waterfall. She knew she looked fine, but this was the first time that they were going to see each other where she wasn't wearing one of her uniforms, and it just made her feel weird inside.

Less than a minute later, she was at the door, taking a breath to calm herself before opening it.

And there he was, standing there waiting for her in jeans and a red t-shirt. She silently cheered because if he'd been wearing dressier clothes, she would have felt very underdressed, and that would have already started the evening off poorly.

"You look lovely, Emma," were the first words he spoke, his smile lighting up his face.

"Uh, thanks." Why she couldn't just accept a compliment was beyond her. "What are you holding?"

Killian almost forgot about the small duffle bag handing from the crook of his arm, containing everything they were going to need for their night. "You'll see," he answered, knowing she wasn't going to be happy with that answer.

"Well, I mean you're here now, so you have to tell me what we're doing," Emma tried to reason.

"Alright, lass, I'll tell you. Come on." He held his other arm out for her, and she hesitated briefly but decided to just go with it and looped her own arm around his.

Emma waited, but they just kept walking along the sidewalk in silence, and she had no idea where he was leading her to or what they were doing. "I thought you said you were going to tell me where we're going?"

"I thought I'd wait until we got there to explain."

He truly was infuriating, but she kind of liked that he was trying to keep it a surprise. When they began approaching the park, Emma was so confused; what could they possibly do in the park?

"I brought you dinner," were the first words out of Killian's mouth after the second round of silence. "And we are going to eat it here, on a blanket, and enjoy this beautiful night."

Emma was a little stunned at first. They were having a picnic? That was the last thing she would have guessed he'd have up his sleeve for a first 'date' or whatever it was. Well, now that they were having a freaking picnic, she guessed she could classify it as a date.

"Seriously?" she asked, and instead of her usual snarky attitude toward him, she was actually looking at him like she couldn't believe he'd go through the trouble for her.

"Well, I wouldn't bring you out here if I wasn't serious, would I, darling?"

She could swear he was talking about more than just being serious about the picnic, but she wasn't about to comment on that.

Killian smiled, knowing she understood, before setting the bag down. He took the blanket out and spread it across the grass first, then motioned for her to sit with him while he took out the containers of food. It was the most random assortment of food, but he had absolutely no clue what she liked.

A couple pieces of pizza, two burgers, a small salad, chicken tenders, and cookies. Wow. Emma started laughing, but not because it was funny, just because she couldn't actually believe this was happening. Was she really sitting on the ground in the park with the annoying Irish guy from the bar? With a buffet of food?

"I didn't know what you wanted, and I figured if anything, you're a girl, so you eat salad, right?" It was a joke, and he was glad to see that she actually laughed instead of getting offended.

"I eat everything sitting in front of me right now," Emma confirmed, watching as he now took a bottle of wine out of the bag. Oh, lord. Wine. She would need to limit her intake of that if she wanted to get out of this night without embarrassing herself or opening up too much.

"I am thrilled to hear it." Killian opened the bottle and looked apologetic for a moment. "Forgive the lack of wine glasses, I didn't think they would stand up very well." He poured them each some wine in small whiskey glasses. "It won't be quite the same, but it's better than plastic."

"It's fine, really. I can't believe you went to all this trouble. We could have just went out somewhere, you know." It made her slightly uncomfortable to think that he'd rather do something like this for her than take the easy way out and go to a restaurant. He'd already one-upped any other date she'd ever been on, and this was their first, and possibly only, one. How was she supposed to suppress feelings for someone who didn't even know her but had planned a special night anyway?

"It's no trouble, Emma. You deserve more than sitting across a table in awkward silence…like sitting under the stars in awkward silence," he teased, eyes glowing bright blue.

"You're so weird," Emma said to cover up the fact that that comment was almost blush-worthy.

"Maybe, but you were the one who called me."

Well, he had her there. So far, she hadn't regretted her decision, though. Instead of responding to that, because she had no idea what to say, she picked up a piece of pizza and bit into it. She hadn't had pizza in forever, and it was sitting right there, so how was she supposed to ignore it?

Killian opted for a burger, just glad that he'd managed to bring something that Emma would want. He had hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed in greasy food and wine, and it seemed like she wasn't disappointed at all.

"So tell me something about yourself, Swan. What do you do when you're not working?" He had to get  _something_  out of her eventually, and since the only places he'd ever seen her were places that she worked, he had no idea what she liked to do for fun.

Emma was glad she had food in her mouth when he asked that question because she couldn't answer it right away.  _Spend time with my son_ , she thought to herself, and that was really all she ever did. She worked constantly, so it left little time for anything else. But she couldn't tell him about Henry. Not yet.

"I do absolutely nothing when I'm not working because I'm  _always_  working."

"What would you be doing tonight if you weren't with me?"

Oh, he was good at this. "I would be laying on the couch with a book, probably."

"A book over television? I like you more already."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Don't get too excited. I don't actually own a TV, so I'm not really choosing the book over it." Emma did own a TV, but it was in Henry's room for his video games, so it was just better to say she didn't have one at all.

"You don't have a TV?" he asked, eyes widening in shock.

"Nope." What else was she supposed to say? I'm too poor?

Killian was finding that every answer she gave just made her that much more intriguing, and he was about to continue questioning her when she threw it back in his face.

"What about you? What do you do when you're not working?" Emma wanted to know more about him, too, of course, and he seemed a little more open than she was.

"I take my yacht out and sail," he said like it was totally normal to have a yacht that you lived on twenty-four-seven when you could. Killian wondered for a moment if maybe he should have worded it differently, left out that he had a yacht and just say he enjoyed sailing.

She was in the middle of taking a sip of wine when he answered, and her hand froze with the glass in front of her mouth afterward. He had a yacht? Well, that wasn't really all that odd. Lots of people had them, just no one she knew. "You like sailing, huh?"

"Love it. I'd stay out on the water all year, if I could." The only thing he remembered about his parents was that they would take him out on their little boat in the summer. They'd have lunch, and his father taught him how to fish, and it was his favorite memory of them. It was a bit painful to recall, but he had Emma there to distract him.

Emma started thinking about how fun it would be to be on that yacht with him, sitting out in the sun, swimming in the sea, but then she realized how dumb it was for her to be thinking of such things. Her life wasn't headed in that direction, and no matter how good looking and sweet he was, he was leaving in a couple months, and then he'd move on to someone new.

They talked off and on about their jobs, other foods they liked, favorite flowers, seasons, movies, colors - everything. They didn't get deep into each other's lives, just kept it simple. They'd answer a question and move on, and Emma liked it that way. She could tell he wanted to ask her more, but he'd let her change the subject every time with no argument.

Once a good majority of the food was gone and they were both full, Killian started packing up the boxes back into the bag, and Emma just assumed that was it. He'd walk her back home, and who knew when she would see him again. But to her surprise, he just pushed the bag off of the blanket and into the grass before laying down on his back and staring up at the sky. She just stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to do, before his hand patted the space beside him. "Come on, you can see the stars better when you're looking straight up."

Emma still hesitated because was she really about to just lay down beside him? But she decided that yes, she was going to, and so she did. It took her a minute to feel comfortable, not because of the ground but because of the close proximity of his body to hers.

They spent a good ten minutes pointing out non-existing constellations that they made up, trying to point them out to each other, both claiming they saw the Big Dipper in completely different parts of the sky as well. It started feeling easy, like they'd done this before, so obviously, Killian had to go and throw a wrench in it.

"Tell me something, Emma. Why did you call me last night?" Sure, she told him that she wanted to see him, but he wanted to know what the deciding factor had been. What made her finally want to give him a shot?

"Because you told me to-" she started to say, but he wasn't going to let her get away with the answer she was heading toward.

"No, you told me that on the phone, but what made you decide to do it? You didn't just do it because I wanted you to."

He was correct, but she wasn't sure how to verbalize the way she felt. "I just…I don't know. I had nothing better to do."

"Wow, thanks," Killian said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, ugh. I didn't mean it like that." Emma sighed, wishing things weren't so damn complicated with her. How was she supposed to explain that she felt something between them? Something was drawing her to him, and it wouldn't leave her alone. "My life isn't easy. I have a lot on my plate, and my friends are constantly telling me I need to do something for myself and live a little."

"So being with me is you living a little?" he asked, a smirk forming before he even finished the sentence.

Emma turned her head to look at him, glaring playfully at his expression. "Shut up. I just figured I'd take you up on your offer because you seem…" Damn it, Emma. How was she going to finish that sentence?

"I seem what, love?" His eyes were doing that thing where they showed nothing but pure curiosity. He wasn't messing around anymore; he  _genuinely_  wanted to know what she thought of him.

"Different. Honest. Like someone I could…actually talk to without feeling like they were judging me."

Killian felt a pang in his chest when Emma said he seemed honest. No, he hadn't lied about himself personally in any way, but he was lying about a huge part of his life, and he almost spilled it right there because he couldn't stand the thought of her ever finding out he'd lied after that confession she just gave him. But he couldn't get the words out. "What would people judge you for?"

Their faces were so close. Emma knew if either one of them moved any farther toward each other, their lips would touch, and the urge for her to be the one to do it was too great. She had to turn her head back to the stars. "It's not important."

"If it wasn't important, you wouldn't be thinking about how you feel like you could tell me," Killian pointed out, also looking back up now.

Emma wanted to groan out loud at how stupid she was. She just needed to learn to keep her thoughts to herself because this guy was too damn smart. It showed he at least cared, though. He was  _trying_.

"Does any of it have to do with your parents?" he guessed after a few minutes of silence, knowing that going there could possibly ruin their night, but he wanted to know.

"Killian, can we not talk about my life right now?" Emma  _finally_  addressed him by his name, and it resonated within him. She used his name, and that meant she was serious, so he dropped it.

"What would you like to talk about then?"

"You."

If she wouldn't tell him anything personal about herself, then he'd just have to tell her personal information about himself and hope it would convince her that she could trust him. "Okay, well, where shall we start? I don't remember a lot of my childhood. Just bits and pieces. I went through a period of depression after my mother died and my father left me, and a lot of things are just a blur around that time."

_Holy shit_ , was all Emma could think, her eyes widening. She hadn't expected him to tell her something like that, at least not now. All these questions started forming in her mind, but she felt like she didn't have the right to ask him because she wasn't allowing him to ask her about her parents.

Killian looked at her even though she wasn't looking at him, knew what she was wondering, and went ahead. "My mother died in a car accident, and my father didn't like that I couldn't get over it because he couldn't get over it himself. I kept asking him questions, and I had nightmares a lot. It just got to the point where he eventually up and left. I spent a week by myself before I asked a neighbor if I could stay with them because I didn't have anything left to eat."

Emma could  _feel_  her heart breaking for him, for that little boy who didn't have a clue why he was left alone. She didn't even know what to say because it was just so sad and served to connect them in a very real way - they had both been abandoned, in one way or another, by their parents. They'd grown up without them, and now they had found each other.

Once again, she found herself face to face with him, unable to look away this time. "I'm so sorry, Killian." Again, his name slipped out, and she could barely even hear herself talking because she was so fixated on those eyes of his.

"No need to be sorry. It was a long time ago, lass." He almost said that he was over it, but he wasn't. He never truly would be. "So when you say that you feel like I won't judge your situation and how you got there, you're right. And when you're ready to talk about it, I'll be here."

God, she felt terrible that she wasn't ready to open up yet, but she just couldn't do it. She hadn't talked to anyone about her past outside of her little circle in years, and even though she knew he wanted to be there for her, she still couldn't figure out  _why_.

"I don't get it," Emma started, shaking her head. "Why do you want to listen to me talk about my life? Why do you want to share something so personal about  _your_  life with  _me_?"

He couldn't quite explain himself either in that regard except to say, "You're special, Emma. I can feel it."

She wanted to close that distance and kiss him right then, but something was still holding her back. She did, however, let her hand move partly on top of his, ring and pinky fingers wrapping around each other. Emma knew that was enough for now, that he wouldn't be the first to make a move beyond that because she was the one with all the walls up.

They spent a long time just looking at each other, then back at the stars, not bothering to talk anymore because it felt like they'd said all they needed to. He walked her home in silence, their hands no longer touching, and Emma gave him a hug because she needed him to know how much it meant to her that he thought she was special without her having to speak because words were failing her.

His strong arms around her made her feel safe, and it was incredibly hard for her to let go after breathing him in, but she knew if she didn't let go within a reasonable amount of time, things would go in an unwanted direction.

As she closed the door behind her, she leaned against it for a moment and put her head in her hands. Somehow, she needed to figure out how to talk to him because she wanted to see if what they had was as real as they both felt it was, and a major part of that was her letting him in and trusting him.


	4. Chapter 4

Again, days passed where Killian heard nothing from Emma. A part of him had hoped after their date that she would be more inclined to contact him, but it seemed as if that was just wishful thinking. He didn't want to wait a full week like the last time, so he decided to take matters into his own hands and shoot her a text.

Emma really did feel bad about not calling, but what could she do? She wasn't good at relationships, and that's what she knew he wanted now. Her plan was to wait it out, see how long she could go without seeing him, but in the middle of her shift at the restaurant, she felt her phone vibrate and checked it the first chance she had. Usually, the only person who ever contacted her during wok was August if something was wrong with Henry, so she needed to make sure everything was okay.

_Are you at work?_

_Yes, of course. Where else would I be?_

_What time are you done?_

She knew why he wanted to know, so she didn't want to tell him.

_I can't see you tonight._

_Just let me walk you home, Swan._

The fact that she was actually reconsidering not telling him was the reason she just went ahead and did it. Obviously, she wanted to see him.

_9:30, don't be late._

Slipping her phone back in her pocket, Emma went back to work, and Killian, with a satisfied smile, checked the time to see that nine thirty was only an hour away.

The thought of seeing him didn't exactly make her nervous anymore. More so, it just made her strangely excited. Someone actually wanted to see her, and he was sweet and cared about her, and Emma couldn't get over it. Eventually, she told herself, this would end. Nothing good ever lasted in her life, but maybe while it did, she could let herself enjoy it. As long as she kept Henry out of the crossfire, it wouldn't be so bad.

"You're late," Killian teased when Emma walked outside at nine forty-five.

"You're impatient," she shot back, a smile already forming on her lips at the sight of him.

"I just missed you," he admitted, his arm going around her shoulders so smoothly that she didn't even notice at first.

"You know…" Emma thought about it, and she  _was_  trying to be better, to let him in slowly. "I missed you, too."

That certainly made his night. What was better than hearing that?

As they walked the distance to Emma's apartment, he asked about how work was, and they discussed how Ruby and Victor had no idea about their little picnic, so he better keep his mouth shut until she had a chance to tell them. If they didn't find out from her, she would never hear the end of it. They were already going to be mad that she waited so long to tell them.

Killian wondered if Emma was going to invite him in for once or just say goodbye at the foot of the steps that led to her door like always. He assumed it would be the latter because if she hadn't invited him in after the other night, there was no way she'd let him in tonight.

"Thanks for walking me home," she said as they reached said steps.

"I'd walk you home every night if I could."

"Can't have that. Don't want me getting too dependent on you," Emma joked, tucking some loose hairs behind her ear, which gave away that she was looking to distract herself from the goodbye that had to happen soon.

When she looked back at Killian, he was looking at her front window…where August had pulled the curtain aside to look out and see if she was there.  _Shit_. Once August saw her and realized she was with someone, he shut the curtain and retreated from the window, but it was too late. Killian already saw him.

"Who was that?" he asked, trying not to sound jealous because he knew that was childish, but it was hard. "Do you live with him?"

"No, I do not live with him." It would have been easier to explain living with him than not living with him and why he was in her apartment while she wasn't there.

"You can tell me the truth, Emma. Is this why you never want to see me? Because you're seeing someone else?"

"Oh, god. No! I am telling you the truth. We don't live together, and I am  _not_  seeing anyone else." He had sounded so afraid that she was with another guy, and she just wanted to reassure him that she wasn't, and in doing so, she basically confirmed that she thought they were  _together_.

"So you  _are_  seeing me?" Killian asked, smirking and raising that damn eyebrow.

"If I hear that phrase one more time tonight…" Emma threatened, but she couldn't deny what she'd already said. "But yes, I guess I am." They hadn't even kissed and were already calling it some sort of relationship? How did she get in this position?

"So then what's that guy doing in your apartment?" He wasn't about to let that go. Hello, the girl he was interested in had some man in her apartment while she was at work.

"His name is August, and he's a good friend. My best friend, actually. He's just making dinner since I haven't eaten since before work." August was supposed to be making dinner, so that was a good explanation. She could leave out that the main reason he was there was to watch her son.

Killian held in how  _he_  would have gladly taken her to dinner or made her dinner or done anything for her if she would just ask him. "Okay, well, I guess I'll let you go then." The reluctance in his voice was a lot more obvious than he wanted it to be.

"Yeah, uh, maybe I'll see you later this week?"

For once, he just wished they could make actual concrete plans to see each other instead of leaving him with all the wondering and hoping, but he'd take what he could get. "I hope so."

He turned to leave, but Emma grabbed his hand, surprising both him and herself. "Wait, I have to tell you something."

"Yeah?" he asked, turning back around, his fingers closing around hers.

"The other night with the picnic and everything…it was nice. You're not what I expected."

"Is that a good or bad thing?" he wondered out loud.

"Definitely a good thing."

Leaving on that note sounded like a good idea, so Killian smiled and said good night, letting Emma go inside and face the music with August.

He was sitting on the couch with a Popular Science magazine when Emma came in, trying to act like he hadn't just caught her with her former mystery man outside, but it didn't take him long to get into the questioning.

"So…" was all he had to say to get Emma going.

"Yeah, okay, get on with it. I'm waiting." She stood in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips, eyeing August.

"That was him then?" He stood up and nodded toward the kitchen where he had a bowl of macaroni and cheese waiting for Emma.

"Yes, that was him." Following him into the kitchen, she spotted her dinner and silently squealed with delight because she was starving and mac and cheese sounded amazing.

"He show up at the restaurant tonight?"

"No, he just wanted to walk me home."

"He so likes you," August said, sounding much like a teenage girl.

"Yeah, I know he does," Emma admitted, stabbing her fork into the bowl and shoveling food in her mouth.

"And you like him?"

Emma really didn't want to have this conversation with August because once she admitted her feelings out loud, they became real.

"I think I do like him."

"Wow, really?" Of course he was shocked; Emma hadn't been interested in anyone in years.

"Yeah, he's different. I don't know. We went out Saturday night, and I just kind of got to know him a little better." She shrugged, wondering how he was going to respond to this new bit of information.

"You what?! Why didn't you tell me?" Yes, that was the reaction she was expecting.

"Because I didn't know if it would go well, so I didn't tell anyone!"

"Well, I'm assuming it went well if you're letting him walk you home."

"It went very well. I mean, I thought we'd just go to dinner or something, but he took me to the park, and we had a picnic and looked at the stars." Half of her mac and cheese was already gone, and she wasn't even looking at August anymore because she was too focused on her food, making the whole date sound like it was no big deal while August just stared at her with his mouth half open.

"I can see why you like him." August was impressed. This guy sounded like a romantic, the total  _opposite_  of the guys Emma usually went out with.

"It's not just that…" How much to divulge? "Here's the thing, you know I haven't opened up to anyone ever. I don't like to talk about my life. I don't like to let my guard down, but it's down right now. I really feel like I could talk to him, you know? He'll get it. I know that sounds stupid, but it's how I feel."

"It's not stupid, just be careful." The protective older brother side of him couldn't help but show itself.

"Be careful?"

"You haven't felt like that about anyone besides dickweed, so I know it's gotta be serious." Dickweed was August's name for Neal. They didn't say that name ever. "I just don't want you to get hurt, Emma. You've only know him a few weeks, so the fact that you want to let him in is a big deal."

"I think I can trust him," she said as she took her now empty bowl to the sink to wash it out.

"Do I get to meet him and decide that for myself?"

Emma didn't answer right away, shutting off the water and drying her hands on a towel before finally turning around again. "We'll see. One step at a time."

* * *

Even after admitting her feelings for Killian, she  _still_  didn't let herself call him. But that particular night as she sat on her couch curled up under a blanket, after reading Henry a story to get him to fall asleep, she was seriously considering texting him just to talk to him. Maybe it was time that she start doing what she's been wanting to do and let the guy into her life a little more.

Just as she was about to send a simple  _hey_  to his number, there was a knock on her door. The only person who could possibly be there so late was August, and since she hadn't locked the door up for the night yet, she called out, "It's open!" as loudly as she could without it being too loud and waking up Henry.

And in walks Killian, making Emma's eyes widen in complete and utter surprise. She's sitting on her couch in a tank top and pajama shorts under a blanket, and the guy who she was just about to text is standing in her doorway. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked in a hushed voice.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to-" he started to say, but Emma just shushed him. "Don't talk so loud!" She got up off the couch, discarding the blanket, intent on making him go back outside and talk to her there, but he already closed the door and was walking toward her.

"What? Do you have a roommate?" He talked softer now, noticing how she was keeping her distance from him after she realized he was fully inside her apartment.

"You could say that, yeah. Now  _what_  do you think you're doing?" She didn't mean to sound the way she was, but him being in her apartment, in her home, was too much too soon.

"I can't stand not knowing when I'm going to see you next, Emma. I know I should have called first, but I didn't think you'd answer, and if you did, you would have told me it was too late."

Well, he wasn't wrong there. Before Emma could say so, though, a voice from behind silenced her.

"Mom, what's going on?" Henry asked, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

In that moment, Emma couldn't believe how stupid she'd been. How could she have just assumed that it was August at the door? Why didn't she go to the door and check? The one thing she'd wanted more than anything was to keep Henry out of this until she figured it out, but it was too late now.

"Henry! Come on, let's get you back to bed." Emma immediately rushed to his side, putting her hands on his shoulders and guiding him back to his bedroom where he crawled back into bed and tried to question her again, but she just shook her head. "We can talk in the morning, but you have school. You need to get some sleep, okay?" She sat with him for a few minutes, running her fingers through his hair until he fell back asleep, which didn't take long because he wasn't very awake to begin with.

She knew Killian would still be there when she returned to the living room, but a part of her still hoped that he wouldn't be because him leaving after finding out she had a son would have been easier to deal with than actually talking about it. People leaving - that she could deal with. She was  _used_  to that. But there he was, sitting on her couch, staring at the floor and waiting for the explanation.

"You should go," Emma told him, not sitting beside him like she wanted to.

He ignored her. "Your roommate is…your son?"

"Yeah, Henry is my son."

"Is August-" No way she would let him finish that sentence.

"No! What part of him being my best friend did you not understand? He was here the other night because he watches Henry for me when I'm at work."

All the questions she knew he wanted to ask her were all interconnected, and if she answered one, she'd have to go through the answers to all of them. She'd have to tell him her whole story, every little detail. Explaining August meant explaining her childhood, which meant admitting that she was abandoned as a baby. It also meant talking about Neal because there was no talking about Henry without talking about Neal. Thankfully, he wasn't asking her about those things quite yet.

Killian grabbed her hand, tugging on it to tell her that he wanted her to sit down. He didn't plan on going anywhere, not until she talked to him about this. He was done letting her pull away from him, and Emma could tell that was the case, so she sat down.

"You could have told me about him, love. I would have understood why you didn't want me to come in then."

"I don't think you get why I didn't tell you, Killian." Oh, damn. She'd just set it all up for him all by herself.

"Then why don't you explain it to me?"

"Because I didn't want someone coming into his life who he would get to know, get close to, and then leave him behind like he was nothing. I know I can't protect him from that forever, but as long as I can, I'm going to. I won't let him know what that feels like as long as I can help it." Emma could feel her throat burning with the effort to keep tears at bay, but she'd take the burn over crying.

To what extent Henry wished for his father to be around, she didn't know. Emma never told him exactly what happened, just that his father wasn't a good person and that they were better off without him. Henry never asked questions about Neal; he didn't even know his name, actually.

"Emma, how do you think of me?" He looked hurt, and she didn't understand why. "You think I'm trying this hard with you just so I can leave?"

"You  _are_  leaving. You said so yourself you're only in town because you're working."

Killian put his head in his hands, trying to think for a moment. The deeper into this he got, the more he was dreading the filming coming to an end because he  _would_  eventually have to leave. He'd been trying to not think about it, but Emma was forcing him to.

"Look, if you want to make this work, we'll make it work. I won't just leave you behind when I have to go. We'll figure it out," Killian said, looking up at her with those eyes that shot straight to her soul.

And again, they were talking about this relationship that they had or could have when they'd been on  _one_  date. Considering Emma was just about to text Killian before he came in, she knew she should have been happy that he was there - that he'd wanted to see her, too - but she was still freaking out on the inside…and maybe a little on the outside.

"You want to make  _this_ , whatever it is, work?"

"Would I be here if I didn't?"

"The reason I never make plans is because I'm not good at this! Dating. It's not me, Killian. I don't know how to do this, how to be in a relationship. It requires things that I'm not ready for." Hence why no other guy ever made it longer than a week with her.

"Like telling me anything about yourself?"

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry, darling. I understand," he told her, reaching out to hold her hand again.

After a bit of awkward silence, she finally realized what she needed to say.

"Go ahead. Ask me something." In an uncharacteristic move, Emma decided that it was time she tell him something so that he knew she wanted to trust him and that if he could just be patient with her, he'd get the rest of the story in time.

" Like what?"

"Whatever you wanna know." She squeezed his hand for encouragement.

"Okay. Will you tell me why it bothered you when I brought up your parents?" He'd start there. Killian was also curious about Henry's father, but he'd let that go for another time.

She realized that was actually an easy one compared to the rest because she didn't have to talk about a bunch of other things to get to the answer. This answer was the start of it all.

"It bothered me because I don't know my parents."

"You never met them?"

"No, on the account of they left me on the side of a road while I was a baby." Emma shrugged, trying to downplay it because that's just the way she was.

Killian's forehead creased as he thought about how this gave them something in common. Even though his situation was slightly different, his father had still abandoned him like her parents had abandoned her. He honestly didn't know which was worse - knowing your parents and having them leave you or not knowing them at all.

"I'm sorry, love," was all he could come up with because now he knew she shared a bit of that brokenness that he had, and he suspected that she probably had a few other things in common with him as well that she was more reluctant to share.

"Like you said, it was a long time ago."

"Doesn't make it any easier. Trust me, I know." He couldn't believe anyone would ever leave a child like that, and it killed him to know that Emma had grown up her entire life knowing how unwanted she had been.

"August made it easier. We grew up together until he was adopted, but he never left me. He always made sure I was okay." She left out how he'd taken care of her after she'd gotten pregnant because that was a conversation she did not want to have right now, especially with Henry in the general area. Even if he was sleeping, he did not need to hear those details.

"You were never adopted?" Killian couldn't believe that.

"I was. Several times, actually, but it didn't last long. I was out on my own when I was seventeen because I was sick of people throwing me back into the system when they didn't want me anymore."

He looked at her like it was the saddest thing he ever heard, and Emma had to avert her eyes because she didn't want to get emotional. She was doing her best to keep her voice even, and he wasn't going to ruin it by looking at her like that.

"I would never do that to you, Emma. You don't have to be afraid to let me in. I won't hurt you or your son."

That certainly got her attention. Emma let herself get lost in his gaze, her eyes glancing at his lips before she could stop them. Killian certainly didn't miss the way her tongue moved ever so slightly over her bottom lip either. It all happened within seconds, Emma being the one to make the move and actually kiss him, her lips pressing insistently against his. Just hearing those words -  _I won't hurt you_  - gave her hope. Maybe they could make it work, and now she knew that she wanted it to.

Killian couldn't believe she was kissing him, but he wasn't going to complain. He'd been wanting to kiss her since the first time he saw her, and now her hands were cupping his face, and he found himself pulling her onto his lap. One of his hands caressed her leg while the other slid up under the back of her tank top.

Emma didn't protest because she needed the closeness. She needed to feel like someone cared about her and wanted her. Her lips meshed with his perfectly, and when she felt his tongue brushing against her lips, she allowed it entrance, effectively deepening the kiss beyond what their first kiss should have been. She envisioned it as a good night kiss. Just a peck before she disappeared inside and he went back to his hotel room.

Boy, this was certainly different than that.

Shockingly, Killian was the one who pulled back first, moving his hands to her shoulders. "We should stop because if you keep kissing me like that, I'm not going to be able to help myself." He was grinning from ear to ear, as he often did when it came to her, finally feeling like she was warming up to him.

Emma rested her forehead against his, her eyes closed, and a smile on her face as well. "Thank you," she murmured, giving him a light kiss before moving off of his lap so that he could stand up.

"For stopping?" he teased, though he knew that wasn't what she meant.

"No, for not giving up on me."

"I'll never give up on you, Emma Swan. I promise you that." He leaned down, tipped her chin up, and kissed her gently one last time before leaving.

Emma went to bed with only one person on her mind, and for the first time with the intention of talking to him the next day.


	5. Chapter 5

  
_I can't find a wall to pin this to_   
_They're all coming down since I've found you_   
_I just wanna be where you are tonight_   
_I run in the dark looking for some light_   
_And how will we know if we just don't try_   
_We won't ever know_   


Killian was struggling the next morning with a four AM wake up call, and Graham had a cup of coffee waiting on set when his friend made his appearance.

"You were almost late  _again_ ," Graham chastised as he handed over the black coffee that was still steaming.

"I didn't hear my alarm until it went off again. Thanks, man." Killian sipped the dark brew, not minding that it was burning his mouth because he needed to wake up.

"Will you ever go to sleep before midnight?"

"Probably not."

He didn't really know what time he fell asleep, but he knew it was certainly after midnight. He wouldn't be surprised to know that he'd only gotten two hours of sleep because his mind had been extremely preoccupied with thoughts of Emma Swan and the way she kissed him.

When he went to her apartment, he'd half expected she would just get mad at him, but he went anyway because he wasn't lying when he said that it was killing him not knowing when he'd see her again. The last thing he thought would happen was that he would find out she had a son. Finding that out had certainly been a shock to his system, but it didn't make her any less appealing to him because she had a kid. It was quite obvious that she cared a lot about Henry and protecting him, and Killian was going to respect that.

"Hey, earth to Jones," Graham said, snapping his fingers in front of Killian's face.

"Oh, what?" Damn, he must have been spacing out.

"They need you in make up in ten, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be there." He couldn't get the coffee down his throat fast enough, knowing that once he sat down in that chair, he wasn't going to get any time to take a break and drink.

"You saw her last night, didn't you?"

"What makes you say that?"

"You're clearly distracted by something, so either you saw her or you're thinking about seeing her." Graham knew him well enough to know when there were shifts in his demeanor, and lately, those shifts had all been due to this Emma that he'd yet to meet.

"Way too perceptive for your own good." He had planned on talking to Graham anyway about what happened at Emma's apartment but not so early. He would have preferred to do it after he was more awake and didn't feel like he was going to fall over unconscious if his eyes closed for more time than it took to blink.

"So that's a yes then?"

"Yes, I saw Emma last night. Found out she has a son, actually." It wasn't like Killian to keep anything from Graham, so he wasn't going to start now. He didn't have anyone else to talk to about his current situation anyway.

"She has a kid? Dude, you can't be serious. You should get out while you still can." Killian  _dating_  was weird enough as it was, but dating a woman who had a child? That was beyond odd.

"Hey, don't say things like that. I wouldn't stop seeing her just because she has a son. Does everyone think I'm that big of a jackass?" He knew he didn't have the greatest reputation when it came to women, but he was trying, and that had to count for something.

"Well, you used to be that big of a jackass. Before you met her, if a girl had a kid, you wouldn't even go near her."

That was because he'd always just wanted a little fun, and he never went after anyone who looked like they would want a relationship with him after he had that fun. "I told you, Emma's different. I want to be with her no matter comes along with it."

"Have you told her?" Graham asked, not even bothering to specify because he'd been getting on Killian about this for days.

"No, I haven't told her."

"If you really care about her as much as you say you do, then you need to tell her. She deserves to know what she's getting into."

Killian knew that she did deserve to know, but he had no idea how to tell her. He'd never had to tell anyone before, but then again, he spent a good majority of his time in New York or Los Angeles, and someone always recognized you there. Back home in Ireland, he was left alone, for the most part. Smaller towns, especially like the one Emma lived in, seemed to be similar. But when he was home, he wasn't looking for women, thus never having to say, "Oh, by the way, I'm an actor."

Since Killian didn't respond, Graham continued. "What's going to happen when someone gets a picture of the two of you, and it ends up on some magazine?"

"We haven't gone into the city yet, so I don't think we'll have to worry about that."

"Oh, well, you've just got it all figured out."

"What is up with you, Graham? I'm just trying to protect her, that's all." In his mind, it made sense. He knew what happened when he was seen with a girl - the pictures, the comments, the criticism. Killian didn't want Emma to have to deal with it, not that she'd even read any of it but still. Not to mention, finding out about Henry made him think that she would probably end it if she found out because she wouldn't want her son anywhere near the so-called spotlight.

"If she finds out from someone else, you're not going to be happy with yourself for letting it happen. That's all I'm saying. Suppose one of her friends gets curious and wants to Google your name to make sure you're not a serial killer or something? The first ten pictures of you are probably of you and girls." Graham hadn't had to give much relationship advice since  _her_ , and so this felt so odd. He was happy that Killian found someone who could make him happy, but he didn't see how it would last if the lie continued.

"Let's just hope that doesn't happen then." Getting irritated with his friend, Killian pushed past him and made his way to the make up chair, glad for that excuse for once.

* * *

Emma woke up the next morning feeling strangely happy when she remembered the previous night. She had been angry when Killian first showed up at her door and even angrier when Henry unexpectedly appeared, but after that kiss…well, she didn't think she could hold back anymore. She was finally going to give someone a real chance, and she just hoped she wouldn't regret it.

Getting Henry ready for school had proved to be quite the task, since unfortunately, he remembered the previous night. He hadn't been as half-asleep as she'd hoped, and he was as curious as ever, asking question after question.

"Who was that guy last night?" had started it all off.

"Just a friend. Come on, finish your eggs." Emma was having a cup of coffee and toast, but she always made Henry eggs before school.

"What's his name?"

"Killian." She knew there was no point in not telling him. They'd have to meet, properly, eventually.

"Killian? Cool." He finished his eggs and was taking his plate to the sink, making Emma think that maybe she'd satisfied his curiosity, but nope. "Why was he here?"

"Henry, you're going to be late if you don't go brush your teeth and get dressed. August will be here soon to get you."

After groaning and rolling his eyes, which she knew he picked up from her, Henry went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth, coming out with that same question that he would not let go. "Now will you tell me why he was here so late?"

"He just wanted to talk about something, that's all. No big deal."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

Damn it, she did  _not_  need that question so early in the morning. "I don't know, kid. I don't like that word."

"I know you don't, but you've never let any guys in the apartment before, so…" He smirked, shrugging before going back to his room to change into clothes for school.

That is precisely why Emma never lied to her son - because he picked up on things, remembered things, could call her out on her bullshit any day of the week. She had to admit that she loved that about him. He had always been enough for her, but maybe she could make room now for Killian if he was as accepting as he claimed he would be of Henry because Henry would  _always_  be the most important person in her life.

"Okay, all dressed. Books are packed. August isn't here. Let's talk." He sat back down at the table, a smile on his face. "Do you like Killian?"

"Henry…" First August, now Henry, and she knew when she got to work, she'd have to tell Ruby because she was coming over that night for game night with Victor, and either August or Henry would certainly say something about it.

"Mom, I already know the answer, but I just want to hear you say it." Really, all he needed was seeing the man standing in the living room and then Emma's face as she tried to avoid the question.

"Listen, I like him, but it's not serious. Plus, you haven't even met him, and I can't make a decision until I get the verdict from you." If Henry didn't know about him, he didn't have to meet him, but now that he knew, Emma needed them to actually get to know each other so that Henry could tell her if he liked Killian. She would never date someone her son didn't like.

"If you like him, I'll like him. I do want to meet him, though."

"You will. Soon."

"You should invite him over for tonight," he suggested, and Emma didn't know what to say to that. Game night had always been a family thing, even if Henry and Emma were the only ones related. August, Ruby, and Victor  _felt_  more like family to the two of them than any real family she had out there. She wasn't sure if she could alter their little tradition and invite her  _boyfriend_  to it, especially when she couldn't even bring herself to call Killian her boyfriend.

"Ah…we'll see. He works weird hours, so he might not be able to make it."

August came in then, ending their conversation about Killian, and Emma said goodbye to the both of them before going to get ready for work.

Ruby intercepted her before she even got a chance to put her name tag on, talking excitedly about that night and asking if Emma wanted her to bring any movies. Emma just said to make sure it was ten-year-old-appropriate, and she could have just let Ruby waltz off without knowing any details about her current love life situation, but what kind of friend would she be if she didn't spill?

"I saw Killian Saturday." Ruby's eyes grew about five times their original size. "And last night."

"WHAT? And you didn't tell me? Emma!"

"Okay, to be fair, I just wanted to see how it would go first, and only Saturday was a date. Last night, he just showed up at my place."

"Have you guys…you know…yet?"

"Ugh, no! I barely know him." Set aside the fact that she feels like she's known him for years. Emma went into the story of their picnic date and then told Ruby how he'd showed up unexpectedly, making sure to include the part about him finding out about Henry and being totally cool about it. Ruby was practically bursting by the time she finished.

"He's perfect for you! Finally someone who doesn't back down after you try to pull away."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on. I've set you up how many times? Every time you leave them hanging and make up excuses about how you're so busy with work."

"But it's the truth!" Emma insisted, though she  _did_  use it as an excuse quite often, even with Killian, but he'd found ways around it. Like showing up where she worked.

"Well, you're making time for Killian."

"Not really. I didn't work that night we went to the park, and he just showed up last night."

"Because he wants to see you, and that isn't a crime. Don't drive this one away, girl. You don't find a guy like that every day." Ruby pointed her finger at Emma before going back to work, and Emma just sighed because she knew that. She knew it was rare to find someone who was so willing to deal with her working a lot and having a son on top of that. He kept trying to find ways to spend time with her, and she wanted to reciprocate. But like she'd said, dating was  _not_  her thing.

* * *

Killian spent the entire day distracted by what Graham had been saying about telling Emma the truth. After that kiss, he thought that things could only go better for the two of them, but with this little (in his opinion) lie hanging over their heads, maybe he was wrong. As much as he wanted to tell her the truth, it scared him to think that she might hate him for it. Emma was a woman who valued trust and honesty, and even if he had been honest with her about everything else so far, he had kept a rather large part of his life a secret from her. He told her he wouldn't hurt her, and every day that passed that he didn't come out with the truth, he was inadvertently hurting her more.

He made the decision to call and see what she was up to because if he was going to tell her, it had to be in person. Telling her over the phone to avoid the look on her face and her possibly slapping him across the face was cowardly, and he wouldn't do that. His hand was shaking as he held his cell phone up to his ear, nervous even though all he was doing at the moment was asking what her plans for the evening were.

"Hello?" Emma answered after four long rings.

"Hello, darling." Somehow he managed to sound smooth even with the nerves.

"Hey, Killian. What's up?" The voices in the background were hard to miss, and Emma had walked away from the kitchen, but she knew it was still loud. Whenever Victor, Ruby, and August were all over playing board games, things got heated, especially since Henry had quite the competitive streak in him.

There was an unmistakable, "No way! You cheated!" from Victor, and Emma knew Killian was listening by how long it took him to answer her question.

"You sound busy, love. I was only calling to see what you were doing tonight." He couldn't help the tinge of disappointment in his voice that she was already otherwise occupied.

"Um, Ruby, Victor, and August are over. We're just playing board games, and we might watch a movie later." It was weird to think that he already knew who everyone important in her life was.

"I mean I'll just let you go then. Give me a call tomorrow or whenever." Killian added the  _whenever_  because he knew she didn't like to be tied down to specifics.

Emma had to think quick - to invite him or not to invite him? Henry wanted him there; he'd made that very clear that morning. Ruby and Victor would just die if he showed up because they hadn't ever seen her with him outside of the bar and restaurant. August would be pleased to meet the guy, but she knew he'd be wary, and she couldn't fault him for that. But how would  _she_  feel about him being there in her apartment again with her son fully conscious now and all her friends there as well?

"No, hey, why don't you just come over? We have pizza."

Killian almost didn't know what to say at first, even though he clearly wanted to just hang up the phone and make his way there right away. He couldn't believe that Emma was willingly inviting him to her apartment  _while_  other people were there. He had assumed that he would meet August and have more of a proper meeting with Henry at some point, but he didn't think it would be so soon.

"Well, how can I say no to pizza?"

After hanging up the phone, Emma had to take a deep breath, feeling herself starting to freak out. "Hey, August, can you help me with something?" she called, waiting in the hallway for him. Yes, she wanted Killian there. No, she didn't want him there. Yes, no, yes, no,  _yes_. She was so conflicted all of a sudden because after tonight, there was certainly no going back. He'd officially be acquainted with her son, her friends, her  _family_ , and if he backed out after that, she'd just feel like an idiot for believing he could really want to be a part of her life.

"What do you…" August trailed off as he walked toward her, seeing the look on her face -  _panic_  - and knowing immediately that something was wrong. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just. Fuck. I invited Killian over tonight." Emma leaned against the wall, staring up at the ceiling.

"Why do you look like you want to crawl into a hole and hide? I thought you liked the guy."

"I do, but I've never invited a guy over here before, especially when all of you were here. And Henry."

"Emma, it'll be fine. You need to see how he gets along with Henry sooner or later, right? And me. Because if I don't like him, you're kicking his ass to the curb," August teased, but he was half serious. He wouldn't put up with some jackass playing Emma.

She rolled her eyes, a small smile finally turning up on her lips. "You better be nice."

"But he doesn't get to deal with a protective father, so it's only fair that the older and very protective brother do the job, right?"

"I expect nothing less!" Emma hugged him quickly before they both went back out to the table.

She decided not to tell the others and just let Killian show up. The last thing she needed was for everyone to be talking about him when he walked in. Ruby, Victor, and Henry were playing Candy Land, and since they started while Emma and August were out getting the pizza, those two were just observing and making fun of how badly Victor was losing to a ten year-old and his girlfriend.

There was a knock on the door twenty minutes later, and before Emma could protest, Henry got up and ran to answer it. She followed behind him, smiling at the man standing outside on the steps once it was opened. Meanwhile, Ruby and Victor were both staring in shock, and August was just patiently waiting to be introduced and get a feel for this guy.

"Oh, you're Killian!" Henry said with a huge smile on his face, not bothering to hide his excitement at meeting his mother's new boyfriend. He'd never met any of the guys she went out with before.

"That I am, my boy." The smiling was contagious, and Killian found himself grinning down at Henry after shooting a quick look at Emma. "Sorry to wake you up last night."

"No big deal. Come in!" Henry pulled the door open wider before abandoning his mom and Killian and going back over to the table to where a half-eaten piece of pizza was waiting for him.

Emma felt significantly more at ease than she had before he arrived, but they hadn't quite made it over to the kitchen yet. He looked like he was nervous, though, so she grabbed his hand and walked with him by her side until they were standing in front of the table.

"You know Ruby and Victor, and this is August," Emma introduced. She gave August a warning look that told him she was serious about him being nice.

"Nice to meet you," August said politely, reaching out to shake Killian's hand.

"Yeah, you, too." After shaking August's hand, he slipped his back into his pocket because he  _was_  nervous. He wasn't supposed to be nervous. You got nervous when you were meeting a woman's parents for the first time, not just spending an evening with her and her friends. Well, then again, there was Henry, and since she didn't actually have parents, this really was like meeting her family.  _They_  were the most important people in her life, and  _they_  were who he needed to impress if he wanted her to keep him around.

"Good to see you again," Victor called from across the table, holding up a deck of cards. "You play poker?"

"I can play poker, yes." There were only enough chairs for five people, and Killian wasn't going to sit down and take Emma's chair, so he just kind of stood there awkwardly until Henry came to the rescue.

"Here, have my seat." He got up and moved out of the way so that Killian could sit down.

Killian tried to protest, saying that he didn't mind standing, but Henry insisted, so he sat down anyway.

"We can share then."

Emma watched as Killian pulled Henry up on his knee, and she sat down beside them, her heart smiling at the sight of her son already taking to him.

They proceeded to play a few rounds of poker and eat a lot of pizza. Instead of getting his own hand, Henry just instructed Killian on what he should do, and they actually won the last round, which was exciting because Victor almost never lost when they played poker.

"Finally!" Ruby exclaimed, letting her cards fall on the table. She was terrible at any card game, so she hated playing with her boyfriend because he always beat her. "Killian, you are welcome to play poker with us anytime if you can beat this guy."

"Hey! It was clearly luck," Victor, ever the sore loser, interjected.

"Okay, one more round then. If Killian beats you, you owe him a free drink this weekend," Ruby suggested, to which Victor agreed, and of course, Killian did, too. How could he pass up a free drink?

They both had pretty terrible hands, but when they laid them on the table, Victor had a pair of tens, and Killian had a pair of kings.

"Looks like I get a drink on you this Friday, Victor!"

"Well, shit. How did that happen?" He couldn't believe his reign of poker champion had come to an end.

"Watch your language, Vic," Emma said as she got up to start cleaning up plates.

"Oh, mom. It's not like I haven't heard you say it before," Henry chimed in, and Emma shook her head at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about, kid. I never swear." She knew she slipped up now and again around him, but as long as  _he_  wasn't saying any of those words, she was okay with it.

"Yeah, right." Henry retorted, hopping down from Killian's leg, which had started going numb long before, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything to the lad. "Last piece of pizza is mine. Can I start the movie?" His mouth was already full of that last piece of pizza when he asked Emma his question.

"Go ahead. Get it from Ruby."

Ruby had brought over the Smurfs movie, and even though that wasn't exactly Emma's cup of tea, she had said to bring something for kids.

Since Victor followed Ruby who followed Henry into the living room, and Emma was busy throwing things away and cleaning up a bit, Killian was left alone with August, who was eyeing him like he still wasn't sure how he felt about him.

"You look familiar."

Hearing those words made Killian's stomach drop, and he had to control himself in order to keep his eyes from widening or his breath from hitching. Somehow, he managed to come up with a quick response. "Well, you saw me through the window the other night."

"No, I didn't really get a good look at you then. I don't know. I just feel like I've seen you before."

Fuck. What was he even supposed to say to that? If August got too curious, he'd surely figure out what Killian was hiding in no time. The whole point of seeing Emma tonight was to tell her the truth, but he hadn't expected all of these people to be there, and it kind of killed his desire to do it. And now he was just plain scared.

"I don't know. I think I'd remember if we met before?"

"Yeah, you're right. Probably just look like someone else." August shrugged, letting it go for now, and got up to go watch the movie just as Emma was coming back.

"Do you regret coming over yet?" Emma teased, not protesting when he stood up and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Not at all, love. I'm having a great time." He kissed her forehead and keeping one arm around her, lead her over to the love seat because the couch was full.

Henry had been fiddling with the DVD player but hit play and then settled on Killian's lap for the duration of the movie. Emma's hand somehow ended up underneath Killian's, and she let him hold it, but she didn't look over at him once, even when she could feel his eyes on her.

The night had gone much better than she had expected, and after Ruby and Victor left, she was surprised to hear August asking Henry if he wanted to come home with him for the night. Apparently, he was getting up early again and could take him to school like he had that morning, and since Henry loved sleepovers, he was beyond excited to go grab his school things and a change of clothes.

"You know, you don't have to take him," Emma murmured, glad that Henry had called Killian into his bedroom to show him his collection of video games.

"I want to. I think you two need some alone time." He raised his eyebrows a couple times in a suggestive manner, and Emma slapped his arm.

"August! You're not supposed to be encouraging this, remember? What happened to the protective older brother?" The thought of having to make the decision of asking Killian to  _stay_  was overwhelming her. Henry being there made it easy because he knew he couldn't stay, but with Henry gone…well, she didn't know what to do. Go with her heart or her head?

"I know, but after seeing the way he looks at you, I'm not so worried."

"August…"

"And if you were wondering, you look at him the same way when you don't think anyone's looking." Leave it to August to notice  _everything_.

Emma couldn't even say anything else because Henry came running back in with Killian not far behind, and they all said goodbye to each other before she was left alone with the guy who made her heart beat entirely too fast. She knew it was ridiculous; she was a grown woman and shouldn't be so flustered, but she couldn't help it.

"This was fun. Thanks for inviting me." Killian approached her cautiously, sensing that them being left alone had not been her idea.

"Yeah, I'm glad you came." And she meant it. "You're good with Henry."

"He seems like a great kid."

Emma moved a few steps closer, eyes never leaving his. "He is. He really wanted to meet you."

"I'm happy you let me meet him." Killian hadn't figured he would enjoy being around the kid so much. The only kids that were ever around him were kids he was working with - actors.

"Didn't really have a choice after last night, did I?"

"I meant what I said, Emma. I won't hurt him." She didn't say anything for several moments, so he figured that meant she probably wanted him to leave. After all, she still hadn't come within more than a foot of him since August left. "Anyway, I'll go. Can I call you tomorrow?"

He knew they were alone, and it was the perfect opportunity to do what he'd originally planned on doing, but he  _still_  could not get the words from his brain to his mouth. Even after the scare he'd had with August, he was still more afraid of seeing Emma's reaction when she found out.

"You don't have to go yet. Unless you want to, of course." If he left, she knew she'd miss him, and she needed to stop being stubborn and pushing him away before she realized that.

Killian hadn't counted on her asking him to stay. He'd  _hoped_  that she would, but he didn't actually think she would. "I'll stay as long as you want me to," he told her softly, closing the space between them and placing his hands on her hips.

"You need to stop looking at me like that."

"Like what? Like you're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on?"

Emma swallowed thickly, wanting to look away because she knew there was a blush creeping up her neck, but his eyes were holding hers in place. "Yeah, like that," she said so quietly she wasn't even sure if he heard her or if she even really said it.

"Well, I'm afraid I can't do that then. Because you are." And to silence any protests from her about that, Killian kissed her, fingers tangling in her hair as his mouth moved against hers.

She didn't bother to resist, just wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to him, tongues dancing around each other as she felt her insides melting. Emma couldn't ever remember being kissed quite like this, so passionate and heated. Everything was screaming at her to go for it. They were alone. Her bedroom was just down the hall. All the sexual tension could be released, and maybe it was just what she needed.

Killian didn't want to move too fast for her, but she wasn't pushing him away as he backed up toward the couch, pulling her down onto his lap. If she really wanted him to stop, she'd have to tell him because all the blood that should be making his brain work was headed to a more southern area of his body.

With her hips pressed down, she could feel the arousal building under those jeans of his, and she knew she didn't want to stop, even if they didn't quite make it to the bed.

His hands were unbuttoning her jeans, pulling down the zipper, and he didn't wait for her to take them off, just slipped his hand down past her underwear and slid his fingers over the wetness. Emma sighed against his mouth at the feeling, and he groaned in response to the slickness covering his fingers - how wet she already was for him. Killian kept moving his middle finger back and forth between folds, wanting to do more, but it was hard to position his hand in any other way with the tight denim.

Instead of wasting any time in making her get up, he just pushed her jeans down her hips until they were out of his way, resuming his previous actions. Emma's gasp when his thumb rubbed at her clit was swallowed by their kiss, which had barely stopped for more than a few seconds since they started. She was absolutely intoxicating, and he couldn't get enough of her.

"Fuck, Killian," she mumbled, her hands itching to touch him, but she couldn't just yet.

Normally, he would have made a quip about getting to that soon enough, but he didn't want to have sex with her that night. He just wanted to make her feel good, and that was enough for him. Not that he didn't want to sleep with her because he  _did_  - more than he cared to admit - but he wouldn't.

Slipping a finger inside, he curled it back toward him, stroking her inner walls while his thumb continued its circular assault. Emma pressed her forehead against his, mouth hanging open as the pleasure continued coursing through her. It wasn't long before she felt muscles tightening and thighs shaking. That release she hadn't even realized she needed until that night took over her body, and his name slipped out again in a louder moan than she'd intended.

Killian smirked as she finally opened her eyes and looked at him, causing her to roll her eyes at his self-satisfied countenance. "Cocky, are we?"

Okay, he couldn't  _not_  say something to that. "Well…" His eyes drifted down to the bulge in his pants, that eyebrow raise that normally infuriated her actually turning her on now. When she tried to undo this jeans, he stopped her, though. "No, it's okay. You don't have to."

Emma looked utterly confused that he was stopping her. Why wouldn't he want her to return the favor? "I know I don't have to, just like you didn't have to just do that." Her hands moved his out of the way, and he didn't try to stop her again. How the hell could he? He knew he felt guilty because he still hadn't told her the truth, but god, her hands kept brushing against him, and he couldn't think straight.

"Emma…" It took all of his strength to put his hands over hers. "Emma, stop."

"Why?"

He knew it didn't make sense, and the only way to actually make it make sense was something he wasn't prepared to do. So he lied. Again. "Because I really like you, and I'm trying to be a gentleman and respect your boundaries, and if you do that, then I'm going to sleep with you tonight. I don't want to do that." Okay, so that wasn't really a lie. More like dancing around the truth.

Wasn't it a little late for worrying about boundaries after he'd just gotten her off on her couch? Well, that was that, she supposed. Emma pulled her jeans back up, moving off of him and sitting beside him on the couch. "Are you sure that's all this is about?"

"Yeah, I don't want you to regret it in the morning."

"It sounds like you're the one who thinks they'll regret it."

"I just think we need to be more honest with each other before we go there, that's all."

More honest? Ugh. That was Emma's worst nightmare. She still wasn't ready to talk about Neal and the reason that she was terrible at relationships, so maybe he was right. "Okay…I guess we'll just call it a night then."

Killian was beyond embarrassed because he'd never in his life actually stopped a woman like that, much less started spouting off crap about his feelings, even if he had been telling the truth.

"But you can still stay, Killian." Maybe they weren't going to be having sex, but she still wanted him there.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. Come on." Emma stood up, holding her hand out for him.

She lead him back to her room, and they laid together for a long time not saying anything, and eventually, she fell asleep in his arms. Maybe the night hadn't turned out quite how she'd imagined it, but he was still there holding her, and that was perfect in her opinion. Whatever was  _actually_  bothering him would have to wait. And she would wait because he wasn't pushing her to talk either. They were both screwed up, broken people, and even if the relationship was going to be some work, she was willing to work.


	6. Chapter 6

  
_And all my walls stood tall painted blue_   
_And I'll take them down, take them down and open up the door for you_   


  
_And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies_   
_The beautiful kind, making up for lost time,_   
_Taking flight, making me feel right_   


_I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now_

 

The next morning, Emma woke up snuggled against Killian's chest, and he was wide awake and staring at her. It was a bit disconcerting to wake up to someone staring at you, but she just smiled and closed her eyes again.

"Good morning, beautiful." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head before settling back on the pillow. It had been a long time since he'd woken up with someone else, and he was thoroughly enjoying it, especially getting to see her smile and blush when she realized he had been watching her sleep.

"Good morning," she replied, forcing her eyes open again so that she could look at the clock. It was almost nine, and if Henry had been home, she would have been awake hours ago. Sleeping in on a week day was quite wonderful.

"Do you work this morning?"

"Not until eleven. What about you?"

"My services are not required until later tonight, so I'm in no hurry."

She had about an hour until she would force herself to get ready, and she intended to spend every second of that hour in her comfortable bed laying next to the incredibly handsome man who had chivalrously declined sex because he wanted them to  _talk_  more first. That still blew her mind, but it also made her want to tell him more about herself because he was so genuinely interested…and because she wanted to find out more about him and his issues.

Killian was still kicking himself for stopping her, but his guilt had taken over in that moment. Thoughts of his past had overwhelmed him as well. He wouldn't stop her again, that was for sure, if they ever managed to get back to that point. Alone time was not easily obtained with Emma Swan, but maybe she would ship Henry off to August's again one night, and he'd get another chance when he wasn't feeling so shitty about himself.

"I think we should talk about last night," Killian said after Emma moved to occupy her own pillow beside him, both of them laying on their sides and facing one another.

He was annoying himself with how often he tried to tell her and how every single time she derailed him somehow, and he was left wishing he'd just said it because every time he didn't, he knew it was just getting harder and harder.

"You are such a girl, Killian. You know what I think?"

Glaring playfully at her calling him a girl, he asked, "What do you think, lass?"

"I think you should just shut up and kiss me."

And once again, he didn't do it. Emma told him to shut up and kiss her, and that was exactly what he did. He didn't know how long he kissed her for, but they were both breathless when they pulled away, and he couldn't believe how much this woman affected him. It flustered him, making him think of  _her_  and the way she used to make him feel this way, and he closed his eyes for a moment at the painful memory.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concern etched on her face.

"I just haven't felt this way about someone in a long time," he admitted, and Emma knew exactly how he felt.

"We have a lot in common, you and I."

"Was it Henry's father?" Killian asked boldly. "The last person you felt this way about."

"Yeah." She could have left it at that because there was a long block of silence where he didn't push her anymore, just looked at her with that intent gaze of his. Even better, she could have turned the question around on him, but how could she ask him to explain when she wouldn't?

Turning on her back, she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Emma never told this story. The last time she'd had to talk about it was when her and Ruby had gotten close, and that was years ago. Victor knew as well, but Emma had just given Ruby permission to tell him. She wasn't sure how well she'd deal with hearing herself talk about it again, dredging up all those old feelings that she should be completely over by now. Bit by bit, Killian was helping her move past it all, but she knew she could relapse into that walls up girl she'd always been at any time.

"I met Neal when I was seventeen," she began, determined to stare at the ceiling the entire time she was talking because it was easier than seeing the pity he was sure to have in those too blue eyes of his. "I was finally on my own, and August was in college, and Neal was exciting because he didn't know what was in store for him from day to day, and I didn't either. We just did what we wanted, which was fucking stupid because neither of us had any money. We stole food and clothes and slept in his car. For some reason, I thought it was the perfect life, and I didn't listen when August told me I needed to let it go and come stay with him."

Emma gave up on regretting all of that a long time ago, though. Because if it hadn't happened, she wouldn't have Henry, and she'd do it a thousand times over if it meant she got to have her son. He made it all worth it; he made her  _life_  worth it. Everything she did, she did for him.

"I ended up pregnant eventually, and you know, he told me he loved me, so I thought that even though it wasn't planned, he'd still want to be there for me. His idea of being there for me was telling me to get rid of it, though." That part was always hard for her to think about because for a time, she had considered it just because she didn't want to lose the only person besides August to ever love her.

Killian reached out and grabbed her hand when she paused to compose herself. He was about to tell her that she didn't need to go on if she didn't want to, but she started talking again, and he went back to listening.

"I thought that maybe the next day he would be more calm, and we could have a rational conversation about what we were going to do, but…" Emma finally turned her head to look at Killian. "When I woke up the next morning, Neal was gone. I haven't seen him since."

"What a coward." Killian couldn't believe this Neal guy had actually abandoned Emma upon finding out that she was pregnant with his child. His  _child_  for god's sake. He found himself being thankful that she had August in her life or who knew what would have happened.

He also realized why Emma was so guarded. Not only did her parents abandon her, but then the first, and he assumed only, guy she ever loved abandoned her, too. He was determined to be there for her and  _not_  leave her like she thought he would. Even though he'd told her that they'd make it work, he knew she still didn't believe him.

"Wish I would have figured that out sooner." It felt like a weight had been lifted off of her now that she'd told Killian about Neal. She wouldn't have to talk about it anymore now, and he'd understand why sometimes she questioned whether she could do the  _relationship_  thing again. Emma was trying; obviously, she was trying if she let Killian sleep in her bed the previous night. "Anyway, don't say anything to Henry. He doesn't know anything about his father or what happened to him. He just knows he wasn't a good man."

Killian nodded. "I won't say anything to the lad."

"Thank you."

"But you have to know I wouldn't do that to you, Emma. When it's time for me to go, I'm not just going to leave you behind. I meant it when I said we'd figure it out, and if when the time comes to do it you still want to, then we will." Yeah, and he knew that was a big  _if_  because by then he definitely planned to let the cat out of the bag.

Emma didn't want to talk about trusting him or believing him or him leaving, so she didn't say anything, just watched the way his eyes shone in the sunlight that was coming in through the window and how sincere he looked when he said he wouldn't be like Neal. She never doubted that he was being honest with her, but a part of her was still going to be cautious because it was too ingrained in her being.

"Who was it for you?" Emma asked, completely changing the subject to him. She saw the pained look on his face before and wondered what this woman had done to screw him up because he didn't  _seem_  screwed up to her. Her problems were pretty obvious to anyone who tried to get close to her, but he was the one pursuing her, so if he had commitment issues, that would be news to her.

Killian hesitated for a moment, for much the same reason that Emma had turned away from him and sighed when he'd asked her: he'd never told anyone this either. Only Graham knew the details.

"Her name was Milah." Even just saying her name made his heart clench, even though he had come to terms with the fact that he was, in fact, over her. The clenching was more out of anger now. "I was young and looking for work, and she was older and already in the business." It was killing him that he couldn't be specific. He was just continuing on and letting Emma think he was talking about working on movie sets as opposed to  _being_  in the actual movie. But what could he do besides dig a deeper hole for himself now?

"She gave me my first shot at a real job, and I developed feelings that I shouldn't have. I flirted with her - I know you're surprised - and she did it right back. Eventually, it turned into more than just flirting. She kept saying if I…" Now it was his turn to sigh. It sounded so bad the way he was going to have to tell it.

Emma had a feeling she knew where the story was going, but she didn't interrupt, just waited for him to continue like he had waited for her.

"If I kept doing things for her, she'd do things for me. She'd help me find work, and in exchange we had some sort of relationship that I should have understood better than I did. Mind you, she didn't tell me this until after months of us being together. I was already so emotionally invested in the relationship that I didn't see what she was doing until I saw her with some other guy who was working with me at the time." Now he could see how stupid he'd been, but at the time, he was head over heels for this woman who made him feel like a man even though he was barely out of his teenage years.

He took all the affection and favor she showed him to be because she loved him, too. All he was to her, however, was a way for her to have some fun. She kept him coming back by getting him parts with directors she had influence over. The day he saw her with the guy who was playing his best friend in the small indie film they were shooting, he lost it. "When I tried to talk to her about it, she said that as long as I kept her happy, she'd keep me happy, and I didn't want to lose her, so I kept seeing her."

"She was using you for sex?" Emma had to say it.

"Yeah, that's all I was to her. A younger guy she could fuck whenever she wanted to. She said the things I wanted to hear so I'd keep coming back, and of course, I did. I thought the world of her, but I wasn't anything special to her. I haven't had a real relationship with a woman since. I don't sleep with anyone for more than one night, and I certainly don't stay or let them stay with me." He turned into what he hated so much about Milah to keep anyone else from hurting his heart again. "Until you."

Emma actually turned on her side again so she was completely facing him, propping her head up on her hand. "You meant to sleep with me that first night in the bar, didn't you?"

"Yes," was all he said because he felt like a pig for admitting it.

"But last night I fully intended to sleep with you, and you stopped it?" Emma couldn't believe how out of the ordinary he was acting with her, and she was glad she'd decided to act different now with him as well.

"Because I care about you, Emma. I've used sex as some meaningless way to feel good about myself for so long, and I don't want it to be like that with you."

She leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, feeling him relax and squeeze her hand gently. "It won't be like that if you care about me, and I care about you."

"There's one more thing I have to-" Killian started to say, but then his phone rang. Fuck. Every single time.

They were still wearing their clothes, so he reached into his back pocket to take out the ringing nuisance that had just killed his courage. "Hello?" he barked into the phone, clearly annoyed. After a minute of listening to Graham berate him for for forgetting about the meeting he was supposed to be at in twenty minutes, Killian hung up and slid the phone back into his pocket.

"I have to go, love. Will you call me tonight when you get off work?" He got off the bed and walked around to her side to kiss her forehead.

He never did finish that sentence, but Emma had honestly put it out of her mind now that he suddenly had to leave. She looked sad as she pulled him back to her by his shirt, kissing him on the lips. "Yes, I will."

It had been quite the emotional morning, but Emma was happy that it happened because now she felt closer to him than she would have if they'd just had sex. They both put their pasts out there in the open, and clearly, they both had things they were working through together. For the first time in a long time, Emma felt hope growing inside of her.

* * *

Ruby was all over Emma as soon as she stepped through the doors that afternoon, but Emma forced her to wait until they went on break to talk because there was not enough time to properly discuss how the evening had progressed after she and Victor left. Oh, lord. She couldn't even imagine the teasing she would have to endure from him about all this.

"Okay, spill. I have been waiting all day for the details." Ruby looked at her expectantly, trying to draw the words out.

"How do you even know that anything happened?"

"Oh, come on. There's no way he just left right after we did. What did you do? Wait until Henry went to sleep?"

"Ruby!" Emma couldn't help but laugh at how her friend just  _assumed_  that she had sex with Killian. Then again, when Ruby texted her that morning, she had let it slip that he spent the night. "August actually took Henry home with him, so we were alone."

"Seriously? I guess we all know how much you need to get laid."

"You guys don't really talk about that, do you?" She grimaced at the thought. Her friends talking about her sex life behind her back was not something she wanted to think about.

"Maybe. I can't reveal that information, however, you need to tell me if he was good or not. He looks like he'd be good." Ruby had been entranced by that accent of his more than once during the previous night.

Emma shook her head, almost moving to run her fingers through her hair before she remembered that she had her hair in a ponytail. "We didn't have sex."

Ruby couldn't let  _that_  go. "You seriously didn't have sex? You were alone in your apartment, he slept in your bed, and you didn't have sex?" Her mind was clearly blown.

"Here's the thing, I'll tell you what happened, but it has to stay between me and you, got it?"

She nodded eagerly.

"We were kissing, and then my pants were sort of off-"

" _Sort of_ off?" Ruby asked with a raised brow.

"So not the point. Anyway, when I tried to take  _his_  pants off, he kept stopping me. So we never got any further than that, but from what I did get to experience, I would say that he will probably be pretty good." Well, she had to be honest.

"Wait, what? He wouldn't let you take his pants off?" Ruby looked utterly confused.

"It's hard to explain. He had a pretty terrible relationship in his past, too. He just didn't want it to be meaningless sex."

Eyes widening, Ruby shook her head. "You've got to be kidding me. Remind me again why you waited so long to date him?"

"Are we dating? Is that what we're doing?" Emma still wasn't comfortable with that word, but she supposed that that was what was going on. They were in some sort of relationship, so 'dating' was just another way to put it.

"I think it's safe to say that he's your boyfriend, Emma. You're going to have to get used to it sooner or later. I know it's been…well, forever, but Killian's done nothing but treat you amazingly well. I mean seriously, he's a ten. And not just in appearance."

Emma knew Ruby was right, but she rolled her eyes anyway in typical Swan fashion. "It's too good to be true, right?"

"You're only saying that because you  _want_  something to go wrong. You want an excuse to say he's just like the rest of them, and I'm sorry to say, it's probably not going to happen. Accept that you've finally found a keeper."

It scared the hell out of her that she might have found someone who she could see herself with long-term. No, she already  _did_  see herself with him long-term, and  _that_  was why she was so scared. It didn't help that everyone around her kept pointing out how great Killian was and how she looked so happy with him.

* * *

As promised, Emma called him when she got home from work, going in her room and shutting the door in hopes that Henry wouldn't eavesdrop.

"Emma!" Killian answered in an excited tone. He hadn't been paying attention to the time and was elated to see her name light up his phone.

"Hey. Miss me?" The smile on her face was surely embarrassing after hearing how happy he was to talk to her.

"I did, darling." There was laughter from beside him, and he turned to glare at Graham. They'd been playing video games in Killian's hotel room, but he'd paused the game when Emma called. "Shut up," he mumbled, covering the phone briefly.

"Are you with someone?" She'd heard the laughter, and no matter how much he tried to cover it up, she heard him tell someone to shut up, too.

"Uh, yeah, my friend Graham is here."

"You have friends?" she teased, wondering why he'd never mentioned a Graham before.

"Ha ha, very funny. Trust me, he's nothing special."

Graham leaned over and punched him in the arm, eliciting an  _ow_  out of Killian before also grabbing the phone.

"Hello, Emma! This is Graham." He swatted Killian's hand away as he attempted to get back his phone.

"Oh, you're Irish, too?" The accent was hard to miss.

"That I am. So you like Killian, huh? He talks about you  _all_  the time." Graham had to stand up because Killian was practically on top of him trying to get the phone back, and there was no way he was letting that happen just yet. He had to have his fun first! "Damn it, Graham. Shut the hell up!"

Emma started laughing, unable to help herself. Was this really happening right now? And she thought her friends were embarrassing. They were acting like a couple of teenagers.

"I do like him, so that's good to know. Any other embarrassing facts you'd like to tell me about?" How could she resist?

"Embarrassing facts about Killian? Oh, I've got loads." Killian looked like he was going to kill him, but he knew he wasn't going to get back the device, so he sat back down on the couch and continued to send menacing looks in Graham's direction. "For one, he's totally into America's Next Top Model. Whenever they play entire seasons, he will literally sit and watch it all day."

Killian jumped over the back of the couch and lunged at Graham, knocking him to the ground but  _still_  Graham turned and rolled, keeping the side of his head that the phone was pressed to away from him. "I'm going to kill you!"

Laying back on her bed, she continued laughing, trying not to be too loud because Henry would certainly wonder what she could be laughing at in her bedroom by herself.

"Oh, god. I would love to meet you, Graham. We would have so much fun making fun of him together." She could hear them struggling and all the mumbled curse words coming from Killian's mouth. It was only fair that she meet him, though. After all, Killian had met all of her friends already.

"You want to meet me, huh?" Graham grinned at Killian because he knew that he would certainly disapprove. "Why don't you come over then? We'll text you the room number." The hotel was the only one in the small town, so she already knew where he was staying.

Shit, what? He was telling her to come to Killian's room? Now? Emma started panicking because she  _wanted_  to, but she didn't at the same time. She didn't do the whole making plans out of no where thing. She needed time to take care of things, namely Henry, but…she really did want to meet this Graham guy and see Killian. It felt like they'd been apart much longer than they actually had.

"Um, you know what? I will take you up on that offer." Spontaneity was just another step in her road to being a more fun Emma Swan.

"Perfect. We will see you soon then!" Graham hung up the phone, finally handing it back to Killian who was laying next to him on the carpet. "She's coming here. Text her the room number."

"Bastard. Why did you tell her I watch Top Model?" Killian grumbled, immediately texting Emma because he  _was_  happy that she was coming, even if he was going to be embarrassed at the first mention of what Graham had told her.

"Because she needs to know these things before you get too serious," he joked, pushing himself up and going back to the Xbox.

"Fuck you. You better not breathe a word about that one time-"

"When you were talking to Tyra Banks in your sleep?" Graham was cracking up at just the thought of it.

"You really are the worst. Remind me again why I'm friends with you?" He took his seat back on the couch, picking up his controller and resuming their previous co-op adventure.

"Because no one else would put up with your shit. Speaking of which, I'm going to go out on a limb and say I need to pretend that I am not your personal assistant?"

"You would be correct."

Thank the lord there was no lecture following that; Graham just accepted it. He already knew that no matter how many times he told Killian he needed to tell Emma, he was going to do it on his own time and not because he was being told to. He already knew he needed to so reminding him was not going to do any good at this point in the game.

After calling August and getting him to swing by, Emma was on her way to Killian's hotel room, feeling insane for it, too. It was almost ten o'clock at night, and she was driving to see her  _boyfriend_  and his best friend. She couldn't explain it, but it was a nice feeling to be spending time with people other than her usual group.

She knocked on the door, not surprised at all when Killian wasn't the one to answer it. "Emma Swan! Very nice to meet you." Graham wasted no time in pulling her into a hug, and she reciprocated with a chuckle.

"It's nice to meet you, too."

Killian appeared beside her, pulling her to him and away from his best friend who was way too pleased with himself for getting her there. "I'm glad you're here, love. Was Henry okay with you leaving?"

"Yeah, he's with August. Plus his bedtime is ten, so he'll be out soon anyway."

"Want a drink?" Graham asked, already pouring a glass of wine for her.

"You two are drinking  _wine_? Really?" That wasn't what she'd expected, but hey. "Yeah, I'll take a glass since you're offering." She made her way over, away from Killian, who was reluctant to let go of her and let her mingle with his friend.

"We finished off our supply, and this is all that's left for now." He handed her the wine, filling up his own glass and Killian's which had been abandoned on the table when they went to play video games earlier in the evening. "But make no mistake, whiskey is my drink of choice."

Emma looked impressed, nodding her head. "That's what I assumed."

"We'll have to hang out another time when we restock. You'd love Killian when he's drunk."

"Okay, that's enough," Killian said as he walked up and grabbed the glass Graham had had filled up for him. "Let's go watch TV or something." He grabbed Emma's hand and pulled her along with him.

"I bet your commentary on America's Next Top Model would be amazing while you're drunk," Emma commented, fighting a smirk as Killian stopped and looked at Graham with an evil stare.

"You have  _no_  idea, Emma. It's golden. I actually recorded-"

"Humbert! Shut the fuck up!" he yelled, dropping Emma's hand and setting his drink on the coffee table when he saw Graham pulling his phone out of his pocket. God, could this guy embarrass him anymore? Was that possible?

"Whoa, wait! You have video of that?" She set her own drink down, following behind Killian and pushing herself between the two guys to get a look at Graham's phone.

_"Tyra is clearly out of her mind. Jade is such a bitch! How is she a finalist?"_

Emma covered her mouth with her hand, muffling her laughter. There was Killian, laying on a couch with a bottle of beer in his hand, the TV clearly displaying an episode of cycle 6 of America's Next Top Model. The only reason Emma even knew about this show was because Ruby was obsessed.

"Oh for the love of god." Killian closed his eyes and turned away. He needed that wine.

_"If she actually wins, I'm never watching this show again."_

Graham could be heard asking,  _"Who do you want to win?"_

_"Dani, obviously. She's hot and deserves it way more."_

"If you stick with him long enough, you'll see it first-hand." Graham had plenty more embarrassing pictures and videos on that phone of him, but he guessed that he'd done enough for one night as Killian was already sulking on the couch.

Emma went back over to sit with Killian, picking up her win and taking a long sip. "If it helps, I think it's pretty hot that you're into that show."

The look on his face was priceless. "If you're being serious, Graham might need to leave."

"What? No, gross." Graham came over and sat on the other side of Killian. "I did not tell her that to make you  _more_  attractive."

"If the lady likes it then…" He shrugged, tipping back his glass and downing a good bit of the contents.

They spent a good hour just sitting and talking, watching Family Guy episodes on demand, and Emma was glad she made the spur of the moment decision to go. For at least a little while, she could pretend that her life was somewhat normal and uncomplicated. Graham was nice and funny, and he seemed to have a personality very similar to Killian's, so she could understand why they were such good friends. Not to mention, now that she met a friend of his, it was really starting to feel like a relationship. They weren't hiding - their friends knew about it and her kid knew about it.

It was the realest thing Killian had ever had. Once upon a time, he believed that what he had with Milah was real, that she was his true love, but he was so wrong that it killed his desire to  _ever_  find true love. There had been no one else since Milah. Truthfully, he hadn't  _let_  there be anyone else. Until Emma Swan. She'd come into his life, and everything seemed just a little bit brighter. He had hope.

"Well, lovebirds, I think I will leave you two alone because I have to be up early, and  _I_  enjoy getting more than two hours of sleep." Graham made it quite clear who he was calling out with that statement. "See you tomorrow, Jones. It was awesome meeting you, Emma. See you soon, I hope?"

"Definitely," Emma said with a nod. "Awesome meeting you, too."

Killian walked his friend out before coming back to Emma's side, immediately curling his fingers in her hair and kissing her like his life depended on it. All night he had wanted to kiss her like this, take her in his arms and show her how happy she was making him. Seeing her get along so well with his best friend was to him as seeing him get along with her son was to her.

"What was that for?" Emma asked when he finally pulled away, leaving her quite breathless.

"Can't I just kiss you? You are my girlfriend, are you not?" That was his not-so-subtle way of making them have this conversation. They'd yet to make it official, so why not now?

"Well…I mean…uh…."  _Very eloquent, Emma_ , she thought to herself, looking away for a moment and then back once she regained control of her mouth. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"You can't stay, can you?"

"No, I can't. August has been taking Henry to school the past couple of days, so I owe him." She didn't like passing her son off to other people all the time when she didn't have to, even though she knew he didn't mind one bit, so as much as she wanted to stay with Killian, she couldn't do it.

There was a lull in the conversation then until he came up with an idea. "If you want, the three of us can spend some time together one day. I know you don't like leaving him, so let's all do something."

Emma couldn't keep the surprise off of her face. "You want to hang out with Henry?"

"Of course, love. He's important to you, so he's important to me, too."

She laughed, strangely feeling like she might cry. Was this real life? Did he just tell her that her son was important to him? "Yeah, he'd love that."

"Then it's settled. You just let me know when."

"I will," she said, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. It was not easy to only do that, but it was late, and the longer she stayed, the harder it was going to be to leave. "And you should probably get to sleep if you really only sleep two hours a night. What time do you work tomorrow?"

"I have to be there by five."

"In the morning?!"

"Unfortunately. Graham yells at me when I'm late. Or don't sleep. Or in a bad mood. He pretty much yells at me for everything."

"Well, someone needs to whip you into shape."

"Oh, I'd let you whip me, darling," he said suggestively, raising an eyebrow.

Emma rolled her eyes, standing up with a groan. "Wow, really? My cue to leave," she joked, and he followed her over to the door, pushing her back against it lightly, his hand on her hip.

"I'm sorry. Couldn't help myself." He kissed her forehead, closing his eyes and just enjoying the moment before she'd leave him there, and he'd have to deal with waiting who knew how long to see her again. "Thank you for coming, Emma."

"I'll come for you anytime." The fact that that actually came out of her mouth almost made her break the straight face she was doing a good job of keeping, especially when she saw his eyes widen, so she just smirked before kissing him one last time and then walked out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

A little over two weeks had passed since that night in his hotel room, and Killian hadn't seen much of Emma. They talked on the phone most nights, but between their schedules, it was difficult to find a lot of time to spend time with one another. He went to the bar Friday while she was working because Victor owed him a drink and he could watch Emma work for a few hours, but that was the most time that they spent together. A few nights Killian walked her home, but that didn't last very long, and then he'd have to let her go in to her son and August. It wasn't easy, but he would deal with it because it was better than not seeing her at all.

Emma had fully intended on trying to figure out a day that she and Killian could take Henry out somewhere together, but she just couldn't make it work and finally just went to Regina and asked for the next Friday off because then the whole evening would be reserved for her boyfriend and her son. Surprisingly, Regina hadn't even fought her on it, just told her to call around and find a replacement, that it was her responsibility, and blah blah blah. Fine with her.

Showing up outside Killian's hotel room Thursday night, she prayed he was there because she was trying to surprise him and hadn't really thought it through until she was in the elevator and considered that he very well might not be there.

Lucky for her, he was, opening the door in a pair of jeans and no shirt.

"Oh, Emma! What are you doing here?" For some reason, he thought it would be Graham because no one else ever showed up unexpectedly like that. If he'd known she was coming, he certainly would have put a shirt on.

"I'm sorry! I know I should have called, but Ruby and Victor took Henry to the movies, so I thought I'd drop by." She tried her hardest not to stare at his chest and his toned stomach, but she was failing miserably.

And, of course, he didn't miss her staring. Smirking in satisfaction, Killian opened the door wider and motioned for her to come inside. "It's fine, love. You're always welcome." Especially when he was missing her so damn much. It was a nice surprise. "Let me grab a shirt."

"I mean, you don't  _have_ to," Emma commented, leaning against the back of the couch and admiring the view from behind until he turned around to face her with an amused expression adorning his face.

"Well, in that case…" He walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer, kissing her briefly before she pulled her face back.

Emma remembered the whole reason she'd come over, and as much as she was enjoying the kiss, she didn't want to forget to ask him. "Please tell me you're not working tomorrow night?"

"I'm not, why? I was planning on coming by the bar to see you, actually."

"I asked for the night off so that we could spend some time together with Henry like you wanted."

His face lit up, and Emma was relieved to see that he really meant it when he said he cared about her son and wanted to spend time with him. "Really?"

"Yeah, he's excited. He likes you," she told him, remembering the conversation she'd had with Henry the night before.

* * *

_"Can I talk to you for a sec, kid?" Emma asked as she walked into Henry's bedroom and sat on the edge of his bed. He was playing some game where he got to ride a horse and shoot people, and Emma really didn't know what was going on, but she watched him for a few minutes until he paused it._

_"Yeah, what's up?" He gave her his full attention, abandoning his controller on the ground as he got up from his bean bag to sit beside her._

_"You like Killian, right?"_

_"Of course! He's awesome."_

_"So you'd want to maybe do something Friday night? The three of us?"_

_"Yeah! What are we gonna do?" Henry was clearly excited, and that made Emma extremely happy to see._

_"I don't know yet, but I just wanted to make sure you were cool with it."_

_"So you really like him, huh, Mom?"_

_She supposed that now she could admit it. "Yeah, Henry. I do."_

_"Good, because I like you guys together."_

* * *

"He likes me?" Killian asked, feeling strangely warm inside at the thought.

"Yes, and he's excited to see you again."

He was unsure of what to say because he was genuinely touched that the kid liked him. They'd only ever spent time together that one night when he'd been at Emma's playing poker, though he'd gotten the chance to say good night to him a few times after walking Emma home.

"Hey, you're still good with this, right?" she asked when she saw the look on his face. "If you think it's too much then-"

"No, no, it's not that. I'm just glad that he's excited," Killian reassured her.

Emma's eyes flitted down to his chest again, and she remembered that he was still shirtless. Because she basically insinuated that she wanted him to be. Who was she kidding? How could she  _not_  want him to be? Look at him!

"You like what you see, love?" There was that smirk, satisfied as ever.

She blushed at being caught staring but quickly recovered. "So far, yes."

" _So far_?"

"You heard me."

Oh, how she wanted to see more. She had time before she needed to be back, and it seemed like the perfect time to finally consummate their relationship. To make her intentions quite clear, Emma gripped the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, dropping it on the floor beside them.

Killian was pretty sure his eyes couldn't possibly get any wider as he watched her remove her shirt, and being a typical guy, he immediately looked at her breasts. "Uh…"

Now  _she_  was the one smirking at his stunned expression, and she pushed her jeans down next.

"Your turn." She motioned to his pants, waiting expectantly, wondering if he was going to deny her again even with them both already being shirtless. Maybe they hadn't exactly been seeing each other consistently, but they still talked every day, and she knew they both could feel how much closer they'd become. Emma just hoped he realized by now that it wouldn't be meaningless.

He did realize that. There was no way he was going to say no this time. His quota for saying no to a beautiful woman who was throwing themselves at him had been met. And so, as his beautiful woman wanted, he unbuckled his belt and let his jeans fall to the floor, kicking them aside after.

"This is a little unfair, love. You still have two articles of clothing on," he pointed out, knowing which one she would take off to even things out.

Emma hooked her fingers in the waistband of her underwear, slowing sliding them down her legs until they were at her feet. He'd already seen that part of her but never her breasts, so she was going to make him work for that. Standing back up, she put her hands on her hips and waited for him to make the next move.

Even if he  _had_  seen her lower half naked before, Killian was still going to look her up and down now because she was absolutely gorgeous. No more standing around, though; he was ready to get her in his bed.

When Killian picked her up, Emma instantly wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. She pressed kisses to the side of his face while he walked them both back toward the bedroom of the suite. She'd thought about this moment way more than she cared to admit, and she couldn't honestly remember the last time she'd wanted to sleep with someone so much. It made her feel like a teenager with raging hormones.

Tossing her gently back on the bed, he hovered above her for a moment, just smiling down at her. "You're beautiful, Emma."

Hearing that was not easy for her, seeing as how she never could believe it, but when  _he_  told her, she found herself actually believing it for once.

Since Emma seemed to be stunned into silence, Killian just dipped his head and started kissing her neck. One hand slipped under her back, fingertips dragging downward until his hand was cupping her ass, squeezing and eliciting an adorably girly squeal out of her. Grinning, he pulled back to look at her as he lowered his hips, pressing his erection against her.

"Someone's excited." It was Emma's turn to grin.

"I'd say more than just one some _one_  is excited," he corrected, his fingers moving between her legs and feeling just how ready for him she was already. Without warning, he slipped his middle finger inside of her while his lips resumed their task of devouring the delicate skin of her neck. Dragging them down between her breasts, he  _really_  wished that he could take that damn bra off, but he'd wait and make her squirm a little first. Killian continued his slow descent until he reached the invisible line between her hips, letting the stubble on his jaw rub against her, still pumping that finger in and out.

Her eyes fluttered closed when she felt his breath between her legs, just the close proximity making her head spin. She felt his tongue next, pressing against soft folds and searching out that little bud that he knew would make her come apart. Emma gripped the sheets between her fingers when he found it, biting her lip against a moan. Killian wasn't satisfied with that response, though. He wanted to hear her.

He started flicking his tongue back and forth quickly, fingers still moving at a similar pace, trying to draw sounds out of her that would let him know she liked what he was doing, though he didn't really doubt that she did.

And just as he'd hoped, Emma let go of her hold on her lip and moaned, hips lifting off the bed somewhat in an attempt to be closer to his mouth. Satisfied, he stilled his fingers, pulling them out and then dragging his tongue from its current position, up between her hips, then her stomach, stopping between her breasts where the fabric got in the way.

"Am I allowed to take this off now, darling?" he asked as he moved his hand back up to where the clasp of her bra was. When she nodded, he unclasped it easily and pulled it off. A grin spread across his face as he  _finally_  got to gaze upon her breasts. It was a little difficult to  _not_  stare at them.

Emma flushed at his obvious staring, eyes moving to look at the ceiling in an attempt to bring her color back to normal, but then she felt his tongue swirling around her left nipple and all hope was lost. A soft moan escaped her lips, fingers curling in the hair at the back of his head as she tried in vain to keep her body still.

The feeling of her squirming beneath him only spurred him on, and he continued licking circles around her nipple briefly before closing his lips on it completely, sucking and lengthening eagerly. He moved on to the other one, giving it much the same treatment while she whimpered quietly and pushed her body up against his in desperation for more.

"Damn it, Killian, get up here." Emma wanted him  _now_ , and if she didn't get to kiss him in the next ten seconds, she was going to lose her mind.

Killian let his tongue drag from its current position up her chest and neck, stopping at her lips because he quite enjoyed teasing her. "As the lady commanded, here I am."

"Kiss me." And for once, she didn't want to wipe that stupid smirk off his face because it was followed by his lips crashing against hers, and she immediately forgot that it even annoyed her.

His boxers were soon discarded, and then he returned to his position of hovering above her, just watching her eyes for any sign that she didn't want this. This was the first time in a long time that he was actually  _nervous_  about sleeping with someone. This time there were real feelings on the line - an actual relationship - and he was scared because it had been so long since he'd felt anything more than physical pleasure during sex.

Emma could see the hesitance that she saw that night in her apartment, and now knowing why that was, she knew what to say to make it go away. "Hey, don't think about it. I want you, and that's all that matters. You're special to me, and that's why it'll mean something." Her fingers gingerly caressed the back of his neck, eyes gazing into his like she could see into his soul.

They were having quite a passionate moment, and it left Killian at a loss for words, but he wasn't second guessing himself anymore. "You're special to me, too, love," he said quietly, leaning down to press the softest of kisses to her lips as he simultaneously lined himself up with her entrance. Going maddeningly slow, he pushed into her, fingers gripping her hip to steady himself. A low groan left his mouth, eyes closing as he took in the feeling of making her his. It felt even better than he'd imagined it would…because he certainly  _had_  imagined it.

Tilting her head back, Emma bit down on her lip again, struggling to stay still because she knew he was going slow for a reason. The hand on the back of his neck stayed there while the other squeezed his arm. She didn't even realize she was holding her breath until he was fully seated within her and she let it out.

Normally, he would have taken much more time to enjoy Emma's body and make her feel good, but they were both anxious to get right to it, so he'd save it for another time.  _If_ he was lucky enough to get another time with the beautiful woman who had stolen his heart.

Emma's mouth opened as he thrust into her again, still slow but harder this time, and she let herself moan. She wanted more, was craving more, but she just told herself to be patient and let him increase the pace when he wanted to.

Regaining some control over his senses, Killian dipped his head down to kiss her neck, lips brushing against the skin in a sweep. His breathing was staggered, exhaling hard every time he pressed his hips forward, and Emma turned her head to catch his lips in a kiss. The hand on the back of his neck tightened to keep him there, kissing him forcefully and with all the love she felt but couldn't verbalize just yet.

It was enough to get Killian to rock his hips faster, moving the hand on her hip in between them to rub small circles over her clit.

"Fuck, Killian," she hissed, feeling her legs start to shake as a rush of pleasure shot through her when he touched the small bundle of nerves. Her nails dug into his arm, back arching off the bed and pressing closer to him. She moaned his name this time as he moved his thumb faster, her body feeling like it was going to explode any minute.

He was close, oh so close, and hearing his name like that, more than once, was driving him crazy. It didn't take much longer for him to come apart as he felt her muscles flutter around him, clenching and unclenching in a frenzy. He came hard, her name on his lips now as he buried his face in the crook of her neck and moved his hips until he was sure she couldn't take anymore.

They just laid there like that for several minutes, Killian on top of her, and Emma with her lips pressed to his temple. She could feel his heart beating in his chest, and for once, she wasn't eager to push the man she had just slept with off of her and leave. Emma didn't want to leave at all, but Henry would be home soon, and she knew she needed to be there.

"You're breathtaking, love." Killian finally managed to lift his head and look at her, a smile on his face for her that almost made her want to cry. The compliment took her by surprise as she'd been in her own little world and thinking about how she had to leave. She couldn't even respond, so she just kissed him lightly, and smiled in return because it was as good a way as any to show him she appreciated it.

When she just looked at him sadly after, he knew what was coming next. "You have to go, don't you?" His look mirrored hers now, and she wished she could tell him no so that he would smile again for her.

"Yeah…"

Their bodies separated, and Emma pulled the covers up as she turned to face him. "But that was incredible, and I've never felt closer to someone. So don't think that you're not capable of having a connection with someone through sex because you clearly are."

Killian scratched the back of his neck, getting up to grab his boxers from the floor. "You know…I've never felt closer to someone either." He leaned down to kiss the top of her head before walking around the hotel room to gather her clothes for her so she wouldn't have to leave the bed and walk around naked, as much as he would have enjoyed seeing that.

He felt warm inside, like Emma had finally broken whatever curse had befallen him ever since Milah broke his heart. He could  _feel_  again. He could  _love_ again. It was utterly wonderful to experience.

Once she was dressed, Emma made her way out from the bedroom to see Killian waiting to say goodbye.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked, arms going around his waist. Of course, he still didn't have a shirt on, making it nearly impossible to not touch him.

"You will. I can't wait." He hugged her to him briefly before letting go because he knew if he didn't, he'd never be able to let her leave.

And just like that, he knew he was in for it. He'd fallen in love with Emma Swan, and she was going to leave him because he was stupid enough to think that he had to hide a part of himself from her in order to protect her. And even though Killian didn't know for sure that she would leave him when he told her, he didn't see any reason she would stay with him. He knew he was in the wrong, even if he did have reasons to justify it, but the original decision to not tell her had been selfish. Getting to know someone when they didn't already know you was a luxury he hadn't had for a long time, and this small town was like a breath of fresh air.

He was selfish and stupid, and Emma was selfless and wonderful, and it made him hate himself just knowing he was going to have to prove her wrong. She said she'd never felt closer to someone, and he wasn't even fully letting her in.

But he had the following day with her and Henry to look forward to and so he'd let that consume his thoughts instead of what a terrible person he was.

* * *

"Mom, he's here!" Henry called when he saw Killian walking down the sidewalk. He'd been sitting at the window for ten minutes, staring out and waiting for him to appear.

The door was opened before Killian even had the chance to knock, and he couldn't help but laugh when he saw the small boy standing there and smiling up at him. This just reinforced what Emma had said about Henry liking him because it was quite clear to him that Henry was very excited about spending time with him. He definitely had not missed the boy looking out the window and disappearing as soon as he saw him.

"It's good to see you, lad," he said, putting an arm around the boy's shoulders as he stepped inside to wait for Emma, who still hadn't come out of her bedroom.

"She's still getting ready." Henry rolled his eyes like he'd had to deal with this a million times.

"Am not!" Emma entered the living room, looking much the same as always since her wardrobe was very plain, except she'd taken the time to straighten her hair for once.

"Hey, beautiful," he greeted, kissing her forehead once she was standing beside them.

Henry was having none of the cute moments, though. "Where are we going?!" he asked impatiently, the excitement still very evident.

Emma looked to Killian, who as usual, was not very forthcoming with details about their outings. He had spent a lot of time thinking about what he could do for Henry, wishing they had the option of going into the city, but he knew he couldn't take them there. It would be bad enough for a shot of him and Emma to get out, but if Henry was plastered all over tabloids, he would never forgive himself. This very well could be the last time he got to see Henry if he told Emma in the near future, so he wanted to make it fun for the boy.

"Well," Killian started, crouching down to Henry's height. "I thought we'd get some ice cream and then head to the park. I bought you something to mess around with while we're there."

Eyebrows furrowing, Emma looked at him with a  _what are you talking about?_  expression. She hadn't been expecting Killian to buy Henry something, and she had to remind herself that she didn't owe him for it. He was doing it because he cared about her son, and the realization always hit her like a ton of bricks. It was still so strange, and sometimes she really couldn't believe she was so lucky.

"What is it?" Henry's smile could not have gotten any bigger and the same could be said for Killian's.

"It's sitting outside on the steps, come on." Killian put his arm around Henry's shoulders again and led him outside. Emma followed, closing and locking the door behind her.

The duffle bag he'd brought the food in for their picnic was sitting there with the zipper closed, just waiting for Henry to open it. When he did, he just stared for a moment before lifting a blue remote controlled helicopter from it. The first thing that ran through Emma's mind was that it was big and what if he crashed it? But apparently, Killian had already thought of that.

"It's  _supposed_  to be indestructible, so you can crash it all you want, and it shouldn't break."

"Really? This is for me?" Henry looked like he didn't want to put it down, inspecting all the little details and running his fingers over the blades at the top.

"Of course it's for you, lad. Do you like it?"

"I love it!" He would have played with it right then and there if the promise of ice cream wasn't hanging in the air. Henry put it back in the bag, zipping it up, and then slinging it over his shoulder because it was  _his_  helicopter, so he wanted to carry it.

"You didn't have to do that," Emma said quietly, coming to stand beside Killian, arm going around his waist as they walked down the steps and in the direction of the small ice cream parlor that was near the park.

"I  _wanted_  to, darling. He's a great kid."

And that was all she needed to hear.

They got their ice cream and found a picnic table to sit at in the park while they ate it. Emma could tell that Henry was enjoying being out with the two of them - feeling like a family. She didn't want him to get ahead of himself. She was still unsure herself about the future of this relationship because she couldn't get past the fact that he was  _going_  to leave very soon, and even though he said that it wouldn't change anything, she knew it would. It was hard to sit there and watch how happy her son was having someone new in his life who cared about him and knowing that he was going to leave.

"Are you okay?"

The words from Killian brought her out of her thoughts, and she realized just how long she'd been in a daze. Henry was no longer sitting there across from them; he'd gone to throw away his empty bowl after finishing his ice cream, hers was melting, and her boyfriend was looking at her like he was worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Emma flashed a smile, trying to be convincing because she really  _was_  fine. She was just thinking too much, as usual. Anyone would tell her that. Ruby constantly got on her for over-thinking things, especially when it came to relationships.

"Will you show me how to work it?" Henry asked as he came back over to them, immediately opening up the duffle bag again and pulling the helicopter and its remote control out, setting them on the table.

Killian took the helicopter, walking away from the table and setting it down in the grass where it was less likely to fly and hit Emma in the head. Henry carried the remote control over, looking it over and trying to figure out what all the different buttons and joysticks were for. Emma had no doubt that he would be a quick learner with all the video games he played, and she just knew that he was going to beg her to take him to the park so he could play with this thing any chance he got.

She didn't know how long she sat there and watched them fly the helicopter around. All of a sudden the batteries died, and that was the only reason that they stopped. They probably would have been content to stay there for hours, but alas, it was time to go back.

"So what movie do you wanna watch?" Emma asked Henry as they walked back into their apartment, Killian right behind them. She'd asked him to stay, if he wanted to, and of course he wanted to.

"I don't know, I'll go pick one!" Henry had asked if they could watch a movie, and Emma was fine with doing nothing for a couple hours after sitting in the sun all afternoon.

Once Henry disappeared into his room, Killian pulled Emma close for a quick kiss, hands resting on her ass shamelessly.

"Hey! Watch your hands," she said very non-threateningly. And he had no choice because Henry came back into the room holding a DVD of Mulan.

"Are you guys coming?" Since Henry had the only TV in the house, they had no choice but to go watch it in his room. He sat in his bean bag chair and let them have the bed, and Emma wondered if maybe she should look into getting another television for the living room now.

The rest of the evening after the movie, for Henry, was spent in his room either reading or playing video games, leaving Emma and Killian alone in the living room to cuddle on the couch and be disgustingly adorable.

She struggled with the decision of asking him to stay or not. It just didn't seem right to have him there when Henry was, even if Henry would have no problem with it. The kid probably expected it, actually. But Emma just didn't want to push things, especially since she was trying to keep Henry from getting his hopes up, even though she suspected he already had. And if she was being honest, she had, too. After the previous night, she really couldn't picture going back to life without Killian.

"Thank you for today," Emma said quietly, fingers running through his dark hair as she stood in front of him by the door, not ready to say goodbye.

"You don't have to thank me, Emma."

"Yes, I do. You're so good with Henry, and he really likes you, and I appreciate you including him because I've always just forced everyone out of my life because I didn't want him to feel like I was choosing a guy over him, but you understand that he comes first. It means a lot to me." For once, she didn't have to choose. She could have Killian  _and_  Henry, and when she spent time with one, the other didn't feel neglected.

"I'll always be here for him  _and_  for you. You're both important to me." He kissed her forehead, pulling her closer for a hug. It actually pained him to hold back what he really wanted to say:  _I love you_. Saying those words to someone who had been as closed off as Emma was scary enough, but he also hadn't said those words since Milah. So as much as he wanted to say them, he was too afraid of opening up and getting shut down. Emma had a lot of power over him, even if she didn't realize it, and he also didn't think it was fair of him to say it until he had come out with the truth about himself first.

"Call me tomorrow?" Emma asked when their embrace finally ended, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"As soon as I get off work," he promised, giving her a real kiss before they parted ways.

* * *

As Killian walked back from Emma's in the direction of his hotel, he almost had a heart attack when August stepped out of the shadows.

"Jesus Christ, August. What are you doing?" he asked after jumping back, relieved that it was just August and not some crazy person waiting for him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I just need to talk to you."

He sounded serious, and it made Killian increasingly more nervous.

"O-okay…" he trailed off, coming closer and stepping out of the streetlights.

"I kept wondering where I knew you from. I let it go for a while, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to you than what you were saying." August started to pull a paper out of his jacket pocket, and Killian  _really_  felt like he was going to have a heart attack now. Shit. He knew. "So I Googled  _Killian_  just to see what the top results would be, and you know what was one of them?  _Killian Jones_. Your name.  _You_."

"August…" Killian held his hands up, meaning to explain, but he didn't get a chance before a piece of paper was shoved in his face. He took it, staring down at it and feeling his stomach clench painfully. There were pictures of him with various women - paparazzi photos that weren't the most flattering. But those women meant nothing to him, obviously, since he was only ever seen with each of them once. Wasting no time, he ripped the paper up. "I-"

"No, you don't get to talk!" August all but yelled. "You fucking lied to Emma."

"I know, but-"

"What did I just say?" He shoved Killian hard in the chest, sending him stumbling back. "She hasn't been this happy in so long that I almost forgot that she could be! I thought you were serious about her, but apparently not."

"Hey, I did it to protect her! I  _am_  serious about her, and I would never do anything to hurt her."

"Bullshit. You're a fucking actor, and you told her that you just worked on the set. You're starring in the movie! The only reason she hasn't figured it out is because she doesn't watch TV or use the Internet."

"Listen, I've been trying to tell her, okay? It's not easy. I was hoping I could keep her out of the spotlight, and when I found out about Henry, I wanted even more to keep him out of it. I know I don't have the best reputation, and I know what they would say about her." His chest was aching, not only from August's blow but also because he felt like the worst person alive.

"How did you expect to do that? You couldn't keep this from her forever, Killian. As soon as you get outside of this town with her, people are going to be all over the two of you."

"I don't know! I wasn't thinking. I was just enjoying being with her because she's incredible! She's such a strong, beautiful person, and every time I try to tell her the truth, I just think about the way she's going to look at me, and I can't do it." Killian shoved the remnants of the paper August had given him in his pocket and ran his fingers through his hair. He took a couple deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. He should have known that this would blow up in his face eventually.

"I'm only going to say this once: you have one week to tell her. When those seven days are up,  _I'm_  telling her if you haven't, and I really don't think you want her to hear it from me." August was beyond serious when he said that he would tell Emma if Killian didn't. It was already killing him to keep it from her, but he wanted to give the guy a chance to do the right thing. It angered him that he had been so supportive of this now knowing the truth. Emma was his little sister, and he was supposed to be protecting her.

"Fuck," Killian mumbled, looking at the ground. "Yeah, okay. I'll tell her. Just don't…please, don't tell her."

"You have a week, Jones." And that was that. August walked away, leaving Killian standing there feeling like he could barely breathe.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry! To be honest, I totally forgot about AO3. Someone left a comment, so I remembered to update. If you want to read my stuff, your best bet is to go over to my ff.net account. It's also ~rumpelstiltskinsmagic. There is more there than there is here, and I am almost done with the next chapter for this story, so you'll want to look there (:

Killian avoided Emma's place in the days following his run in with August the best he could. When he'd walk her home after work, he wouldn't look at the window, and he declined any invitations to come inside, making up excuses about needing to be up early when really he just couldn't deal with any confrontation from August again. Emma came to his hotel room a couple nights so they could spend more than a half hour together, but he was always distracted, thinking about the week coming to an end. He did his best not to let it show, but Emma could see right through him. He had a feeling she knew something was going on, but she never asked, and he almost wished she would because then he would have no choice but to finally tell her. 

Of course, he had to drag it out. Day six arrived, and he still was in the mindset that he wasn't going to tell her until the following day. He needed one more night with her before he ruined everything. Did he deserve one more night? No. He didn't think he deserved any of the days he had with her, but he was going to be selfish because he needed her. 

Little did he know that the night wasn't just going to be a quiet one in his room again, just him and Emma.

"Hello?" he answered eagerly when he saw Emma's name come up on his phone.

"Hey, you. Ruby and Victor want us to come mini golfing with them tonight. You in?" 

Killian didn't want to go, because he wasn't sure how well his weird mood that he'd been in lately would come off in front of other people, but he wanted to see her, so he would go.

"Yeah, sounds like fun. Just Ruby and Victor?" He had a sinking feeling that it wouldn't just be the four of them on a double date. There's no way Emma wouldn't bring Henry along, and if Henry was coming…

"No, Henry and August are coming, too."

"Great. Just text me a time to be at your place, and I'll see you tonight." His voice had wavered considerably, and he mentally cursed at himself for allowing it to happen.

"Are you sure? If you don't want to go, it's fine." 

"No, no, I want to see you. I'll be there, just text me, love." Now that he was talking quickly, he was able to keep his voice from betraying him. But any change in his voice was a red light.

"Alright…I have to get back to work, but I'll see you later." She still didn't sound convinced, which meant he was going to have to work extra hard to appear fine when he saw her that night. And even if he put up a convincing front, he was sure she'd still ask him at the end of the night if he really was okay because of how he'd been acting all week.

"Bye, Emma."

After hanging up, Killian sighed, tossing his phone on the couch beside him. He was sitting in his trailer, waiting out the break he had alone instead of with Graham as he usually did. That didn't stop Graham from searching him out, though.

The bastard didn't even knock.

"Hey, Jones! What the hell's up with you?" Graham's voice could be heard just as the door was wrenched open, and he climbed inside. 

"Nothing," was Killian's curt response.

"Yeah, okay, let's pretend for a second that this isn't me you're talking to." Graham sat across from him, raising his eyebrows expectantly because there was no way he'd let Killian get away with that.

"I'm really in no mood to talk." Hey, at least he was being honest now.

"I don't care. You've been off all week and avoiding me every chance you got. What's going on? Something with Emma?" He knew it would be something with Emma, but he just wanted to know what. 

Killian sighed, covering his face with his hands and contemplating how best to go about this conversation. Did he tell Graham everything? About August waiting for him, threatening him, making him finally realize that his indecision ends now? Or did he simply tell him that he was going to tell Emma the truth? In the end, he knew the full story was better because another large part of his irritability at the moment was the fact that he would have to see August that night, and he couldn't talk about that without spilling the first part.

Damn it. He meant it when he said he was in no mood to talk, but it seemed as if he was being forced to. How the hell was he supposed to go back to work after this conversation? 

"I had a run in with August almost a week ago."

"August? Emma's friend, right?" Graham had heard him mentioned once briefly, but that was all he knew about him.

"Yeah…he, uh…" Killian coughed, stalling for a moment. "He knows."

"You mean he knows?" 

"That's exactly what I mean." 

It sounded so odd saying it like that. Like his being an actor was some kind of terrible secret, which in a way it was in this specific case, but it shouldn't be as big of a deal as it was. Killian let his 'I'm not lying just leaving information out to protect you' gambit get way out of hand, and he was well aware of that.

"Shit…" Sighing, Graham slumped down in his seat, looking sympathetically at his friend. "What did he say?"

"A lot of things, but the point of it all was that I had a week to tell her before he did. The week is up tomorrow." He thought that he'd made up his mind to tell her on day seven, but with the plans for that night involving August, maybe he'd be pressured into it early. Though he sure as hell wasn't telling Emma anything with anyone else around. 

"I told you you should have-"

"The last thing I need right now is I told you so, Graham!" 

They were both quiet for several moments, and Killian resigned to putting his head in his hands and squeezing his eyes shut because he couldn't take the guilt anymore. Guilt over being a liar and knowing he was going to hurt her. It had been gnawing at him for weeks, but it finally broke through that night with August, and it hadn't stopped torturing him since. The stress was practically eating him alive. Telling her wouldn't make it go away; it would only make it worse, and he knew that. There were so many things he wished he could do differently, but when it all came down to it, he made his choices and now would have to live with the consequences. 

"Hey, look, I'm sorry, man," Graham said in a softer tone now. It was beyond obvious that his friend was hurting, and it was hard for him to watch. He was terrified of what would happen if Emma broke it off after she found out because he knew how bad Killian had been the last time he'd had his heart broken, and this time, he was positive it would be even worse because this time it wasn't a one-sided relationship. He gave, and he got, and they were honestly perfect together from what he had seen. 

"No, I'm sorry I snapped at you." He took in a deep breath, letting it out and finally raising his head again. "I've just been freaking out all week. I kept telling myself I was protecting her and Henry, and I really thought that it was best to keep her out of all this, but now I realize that it was really fucking selfish and stupid." 

In an attempt to keep things positive, Graham said, "You never know, though. Maybe she won't freak out. Maybe…maybe she'll understand why you did it." It wasn't a complete impossibility, but he knew that it wasn't likely. The sooner he told her the better, and he'd waited quite a long time.

Killian shook his head, not believing that crap for a second. He had absolutely no optimism within him at all. "There's no way she'll be okay with it. Emma has a lot of trust issues, and she let go of those issues for me. She'll never want to see me again once she finds out I've been lying to her, even if it is just about my career." 

"You don't know that."

"I do know that." 

What he wouldn't give for her to understand, though.

"Whatever happens, I'll be there for you, okay? If you need me." 

Killian just nodded, watching as Graham stood up and motioned toward the door.

Time to get back to work.

******

Hey, are you sure you're alright?

Killian received this text about an hour before he wrapped shooting for the day, and he put off answering it because he only had time to send a simple response, and Emma would certainly take that to mean he was lying. 

I know something's wrong.

That text came in while he was changing and getting ready to head back to his hotel room, and he still ignored it because he didn't know what to say at this point. He'd had his response all planned out before, but now she was officially calling him out on his shit, and he had to start all over.

He heard his phone go off again while he was in the car. 

As soon as he stepped over the threshold, he let the heavy door close behind him with a click before digging the device out of his pocket so he could read Emma's next remark.

I'm coming over.

"Shit!" Killian almost dropped his phone. She'd sent it long enough ago that she could very well be walking through the lobby as he stood there staring at her text message. He assumed that he would have had to leave soon anyway to meet up with her and her friends, so maybe he could steer the conversation in that direction because he just knew she was going to ask him why he wasn't responding.

Damn it, he was so stupid. Who actually took the time to think about what they were going to say in a text message? Why was he making it even more obvious than it already was that he was keeping something from her? And why did she have to be so damn perceptive anyway?

Briefly, he thought about sending some sort of message telling her that he'd just gotten home and his phone had been dead at work, but he knew it wouldn't matter at this point.

Emma crossed her arms over her chest, feeling uneasy as she rode the elevator up to the top floor. There were tons of reasons why he wouldn't respond, but he always replied to her messages, even when he was at work. Not to mention, she'd seen enough in the last week to realize that no matter what he told her, there was something going on that he didn't want her to know about. What if he was just trying to come up with a way to end it? Maybe he was finally ready to break it off, and he just hadn't told her yet?

Well, if that was the case, Emma wanted to get it out of him now. No use in spending an evening with him when the whole time he'd only be thinking about the best way to break it to her that he didn't want her anymore. It wasn't like she wasn't used to that anyway. 

Her knock on the door was loud - a hard two raps that probably gave away the fit she worked herself into on her way there.

Killian froze, momentarily rooted to where he was because that was not the knock of someone who was happy to be there. She was most likely angry that she had to show up there when he was supposed to be meeting her not very long from then to go mini golfing. But, hey, it wasn't his fault entirely that she was there. She chose to come on her own. Granted, he could have texted her back, but he was being quite the pansy about this whole thing, so he'd take some responsibility. 

"Hey, beautiful," Killian said the second he opened the door, doing his best to smile, though he knew what was coming.

"Seriously?" Emma rolled her eyes, pushing past him and into the hotel room. If he was trying to be cute in an attempt at throwing her off, it was not working. Okay, so he was cute, but she was still not buying it.

"What?" Still feigning innocence, he shut the door and tried to pull her into a hug.

"No, come on, Killian." Denied. She pushed him away. "Why have you been acting so weird lately?"

This was the second time that he'd been asked to explain himself.

"I didn't know I was acting weird, darling. I've just had a lot going on with work and-"

"You're lying!" Emma didn't even have to think twice before saying that. She just knew. Being able to tell when someone was lying, especially Killian, came quite easy to her.

And he really should have known better by now. He hadn't even tried to be convincing, really. It was hard to stand there now, looking at her looking at him with those eyes that made him feel like he was being ripped open for all to see. All those dirty little secrets being spilled across the floor, leaving him vulnerable and afraid. Killian couldn't tell her, and he couldn't lie to her, so what the hell could he do?

"I love you, Emma." 

Well, fuck. Killian had the good sense to not let his eyes bulge out of his head at his own confession, his heart beating so hard it might just burst right out of his chest. He didn't know what to say, so he uttered the words he'd been wanting to say but didn't feel he should. And now they were out there, dangling in the air, waiting to either be reciprocated or shot to hell. 

He had no right to tell her he loved her. Not when he was about to break her heart, but he couldn't take it back now. He meant it. He meant it more than he'd ever be able to convey. That didn't make it right, however. She just looked so angry with him and scared of what was wrong that he couldn't stand it another minute. He just wanted to reassure her that his feelings for her hadn't changed.

To Emma's credit, she managed to conceal her surprise pretty well, even though on the inside, she was absolutely freaking out. Killian loved her? Was that why he'd been acting so odd? Because he wanted to tell her he loved her? Emma couldn't be sure, but she could be sure that he was telling the truth. Without a doubt, he meant it, and it scared the hell out of her. 

"Uh…" was her eloquent response, eyes now showing the surprise she felt quite visibly. She was clearly panicking, unsure of what else to say. This was not what she had envisioned happening when she decided to show up there. She thought she'd yell at him for acting weird and lying about it, maybe convince him to tell her what was going on, and then they'd hopefully be able to work past it before they left together to go mini-golfing. 

The very last thing she expected was for Killian to tell her he loved her. No one had told her they loved her, in that way, since Neal. She also hadn't told anyone she loved them in that way since Neal, and look what happened there? If she let herself love Killian, really love him, it would only make it that much more difficult to deal with him leaving. Emma couldn't put herself in a position to be hurt again. She couldn't love like that again.

Fuck. I fucked up. I totally fucked up. Why the fuck did I say that? was all that was running through Killian's head as he stood there awkwardly, waiting for some kind of response other than Emma's muttered 'uh.' How could that be her only response? Didn't she have anything else to say? 

And then just as he was about to open his mouth to backtrack, tell her he shouldn't have said that, that he was sorry, Emma finally began to speak. Real words this time.

"You barely know me." Which may have been true in the sense that they hadn't known each other a very long time, but he knew her in all the ways that mattered. He knew the things she struggled with, the things she was afraid of, the things that made her tick and the things that made her smile, and most importantly, Killian knew how to make her feel special, wanted. But that didn't mean she could get the words out yet and say that she loved him, too. So Emma lied and used the argument that they hadn't been together long enough for him to possibly be in love with her, even though she knew he wasn't lying. 

"What?" Killian asked incredulously, forehead crinkling in confusion as a look of hurt flashed across his face. Had he been expecting her to reciprocate? Well, he would have liked that, but he wouldn't say he was expecting it. He also wasn't expecting her to insinuate that he was lying either.

Emma didn't say anything else, though, just closed the distance between them in a few quick steps and practically threw herself at him, arms wrapping around his neck, lips crashing against his. All it took was seeing that little flicker of hurt in his eyes for her to realize that she couldn't do what she normally did. She couldn't try to talk him out of it, convince him she wasn't worth loving or that they weren't going to work out after all. 

Instead, she took it all in. Someone loved her. Someone wanted her. Killian knew all about her, and he still wanted to stick around. He loved her kid, got along with her friends, and was constantly surprising her with new ways to show how much he cared. So what if she couldn't say it back? So what if it scared the hell out of her? Emma couldn't hurt him. She wouldn't push him away for being honest about his feelings.

It absolutely caught Killian off guard when she practically jumped into his arms, and he quickly held onto her, feet stumbling backward a step before he steadied himself enough to return the kiss. For that seemingly endless moment where she was there, pressed up against him to the point where he was sure she could feel his heart pounding in his chest, he forgot all about everything except her and the way she made him feel.

His hand cradled the back of her head as his lips moved over hers gently, sighing into her mouth when she threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him impossibly closer. Though his tongue was aching to be intrusive, Killian held back, breaking the kiss when he was sure he'd pass out from a lack of oxygen. Staring down at her, there was a clear question written in his eyes, because what the hell was that?

"You're sending me mixed signals, darling," he said softly, unsure of what exactly that kiss meant because it sure as hell wasn't the kind of kiss he was expecting after she told him he barely knew her. 

Hearing that hurt, he wouldn't lie. All that hurt dissipated when Emma kissed him, however, and he felt an ephemeral joy for the duration of it that now left him feeling quite hollow inside, like he was in limbo between losing her and keeping her. Her reactions were all over the place, both what he wanted and didn't want her to do, so he could only assume that now that they were just standing there, gazing at each other, she'd make her choice.

"I-I'm sorry. Killian…" Emma was flustered, that much was obvious, but she was afraid he'd be upset that she couldn't say it back, and she didn't know how to explain to him that it didn't mean she wouldn't be able to say it eventually.

"Hey, it's okay." He brushed his fingers along her jaw, smiling now because he knew exactly what she was afraid of in that moment. "You don't have to say it back." 

"No, but-"

"Emma, I know this scares you. I know it's not easy for you to accept that someone cares about you, that I care about you." He stopped talking long enough to place a kiss on her forehead. "So don't feel like you need to tell me you love me. I just want to be with you. That's enough for me. I'm sorry I've been acting weird lately, and I promise we can talk about that later. I just didn't want you to think I didn't want you because that will never happen. You mean too much to me." 

Emma studied his face, assessed once again that Killian was telling her the truth, and then smiled herself finally. "I guess you do know me." 

The next several minutes were spent standing there silently, while Emma kept her arms around him, holding on and pretending that she never had to let go. The fact that Killian wasn't forcing her to reciprocate was like a huge boulder being lifted off her shoulders, and she felt so content that she was about ready to just cancel their outing for the night so they could make good use of that amazingly soft king-size bed in the other room. 

But alas, Henry was looking forward to spending time with everyone, and Emma didn't want to leave him in the hands of her friends. Though they were very capable hands, she just tried not to pawn her son off on them too much besides when she had to work because lord knows how often she had to do that. 

"We should probably head out, love, don't you think?" Killian finally broke the silence, pulling back just a bit so he could tilt her head up and place a soft kiss on her lips. "Don't want to keep the lad waiting." 

"Yeah, I guess we should." She sounded almost reluctant to leave, but she took the initiative and walked toward the door first before her emotions got the better of her because the next thing she knew, she'd be waking up in the morning with a million missed calls on her cell phone.

Killian followed her out into the hall, and they walked hand in hand to the elevator, staying that way the entire way back to her apartment, where they met up with August and Henry, who were sitting on the front steps.

August flashed a charming smile, holding his hand out to Killian in greeting. "Good to see you again." The way his hand was being squeezed, Killian was all too aware of just how not good it actually was, and he gave a tight grin in return, pulling his hand back and shoving it in his pocket. He honestly thought he might just throw up right there, feeling bile rise in his throat at just the sight of the man who had accosted him in the darkness almost a week ago, forcing him into an impossible situation that he should have righted a long time ago. Oh fucking well. 

"Ready to go?" Henry asked as he popped up from his seat on the bottom step, looking expectantly at all the adults.

"Yeah, kid, let's get moving. Ruby and Victor are probably already there." Emma put her arm around his small shoulders and steered him toward the car, watching him crawl into the passenger's seat before she slid into the back and expected Killian to be right behind her, but he seemed to be in a conversation with August, so she leaned in between the front seats and started talking to Henry about what color ball he was going to get.

"So I take it from the hand holding that you haven't told her yet?" 

"Oh, you're so perceptive," Killian drawled, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Nasty habit that he no doubt picked up from Emma who did it so often in response to things he said or did that he was surprised her eyes hadn't stuck that way already.

"Tomorrow's your last chance, you know." It was a statement, not a question. "I know you want to do the right there here, and I hope you understand why I can't just stand by and let you continue lying to her." 

"I understand, August. I'll tell her, don't worry. No need to spoil the evening, alright?"

"Yeah, no, I don't intend to." He held his hands up in surrender, a promise that he would say nothing in front of Emma or even bring up the subject again to Killian unless he had to. 

"Good." And with that short reply, Killian turned away, effectively ending that conversation, and slipped into the small backseat of August's car beside Emma. He immediately put a protective arm around her, even though he seemed to be the one who she needed protecting from. 

The entire ride over, Henry chattered away, and Emma and August joined in, but Killian stayed quiet, staring contemplatively out the window. His mind was overrun with so many things that it may as well have been blank. He couldn't think straight, and he didn't even care at this point if Emma realized because he had already promised her he'd come clean about it all, and he knew just how he wanted to spend their probable last night together. 

Pulling his phone out, he texted Graham some instructions and then pocketed the device again just in time for his hand to be grabbed as Emma yanked him out of the car behind her. 

Ruby and Victor were sitting on a bench outside, waiting for the three of them to arrive, and Victor was the first to jump up and greet them. He ruffled Henry's hair and started walking with him inside, leaving Ruby to roll her eyes teasingly at the sight. "Every time he's around Henry, I swear he wants to ask me if we're going to have kids." 

"Well, you guys have been together for years. If he doesn't pop the question soon, I'll be surprised," Emma said as she fell into step beside her friend. Victor had actually talked to her about asking Ruby to marry him, and she always said he should do it because they were truly a perfect match, but he was a man, and he always got cold feet, so no wedding bells yet.

"You'll know before I do, though, which is so not fair."

"I'll probably see the ring before you, too."

"Em!"

"What? It's good that he shows me before he proposes. Then if the ring is ugly, I can help you out."

"True…" Ruby grinned, and they both erupted into laughter.

Killian and August had no idea what they were talking about and walked in silence, having nothing to talk about between the two of them. They were both thinking of the same thing, of course, which just made it all the more awkward. Finally, though, Emma came back to his side after holding the door open.

"What color ball do you want?" she asked as they approached the front of the line. Henry had already chosen purple, Ruby red, Victor green, and August had just been given blue. 

"Black," Killian answered, feeling it fit his mood rather well.

"That's depressing." But if he wanted black, then that's what he'd get, and she picked that up for him as well as a yellow ball for herself. 

Surprisingly, Killian's mood picked up as they started playing. They were all pretty terrible, Emma especially, which made it all the more fun. They all taunted one another, yelling to interrupt any concentrating prior to hitting the ball, jumping into the line of a shot at the last second. It was a wonder the other people playing around them didn't complain to the owners to have them kicked out with how obnoxious they were all being.

"Hole in one. Calling it right now," Victor said, holding his putter in the air before bringing it back down and lining up what he thought would be a perfect shot. He smacked it hard, letting it bank off the side to avoid some rocks placed strategically close to the hole, and it went flying past the hole, hitting the wall behind it and then sinking right in.

"How did you do that?!" Henry asked, clearly amazed because it had taken the rest of them about five shots each to get their own balls in.

"Skill, kid. Skill." Victor's smugness could rival Killian's, Emma was sure of that. 

Killian hadn't been his usual self that night, though. He smiled, looked like he was having a good time, put his arm around her every chance he got, but Emma knew better. There was something wrong, still, even after he'd admitted he loved her in the hotel room. Maybe he was upset that she didn't say it back? Had he lied about that for her sake? God, she was tired of these games. Things had been so good between them up until a week ago, and she didn't understand how he could love her and not want to fix whatever it was that was clearly bothering him.

As they neared the last hole, Henry ended up smacking his ball off the course and over past a couple of other holes, staring at it with wide eyes as it flew through the air. None of them could stop laughing, just watched it sail and then pointed at Henry, telling him what an arm he's got.

"I'll go get it, lad. Hold this for me?" Killian handed over his club and started making his way past the greens that others were playing on, trying to walk around them as he searched for Henry's ball.

Emma, seeing an opportunity for a couple minutes alone with him, started after him since she'd already taken her turn. She caught up to him as he located the ball, doing her best to smile, though she didn't feel much like smiling. 

"What are you doing, darling? I said I'd get it." His smile came so easy to him when he saw her, despite everything on his mind. 

"We should be alone tonight." That didn't exactly come out the way she'd intended for it to. The reason she wanted to be alone was because she wanted to talk, but that just made it sound like she wanted other things. 

The smirk on his face told her that he'd chosen to believe she meant that as well.

"Funny you should say that. I have the perfect night planned for us." Graham had responded to his text message, confirming that everything he'd wanted was in place and ready to go, so all Killian had to do was get his girl to agree to a night away from her son.

"What?" She hadn't counted on him having something planned for them. What the hell was going on?

"If you don't mind letting Henry stay with one of them tonight, I thought we'd spend some time alone together. I owe you another proper date after all the nights cooped up in my hotel room." Not that those nights didn't often turn out wonderful, but he thought Emma deserved more.

"Uh, well, I'm sure August would take him."

"Great," Killian said quickly, not letting her have any time for a 'but' statement.

"O-okay," Emma stuttered, shrugging and starting to walk back toward the group, wracking her brain for what it could be. She had absolutely no clue.

That certainly lifted his spirits for the remaining time they spent mini golfing, and he tried to think only of the good things that would happen that night and not the inevitable ruin he'd crush everything into at some point.

August looked knowingly at Killian when Emma asked him to take Henry, and it just burned Killian up inside because he knew the guy was satisfied beyond belief that his little threat had worked. But Killian really had no choice. If he could salvage any of their relationship afterward, it could only be done if he was the one who was honest with her. Not someone else. That would destroy his chances completely.

This was his last chance to show Emma how much she meant to him and to prove that no matter what she thought of him after hearing what he had to say, he never lied to her about how he felt.


End file.
